short flight to Seattle the other day, my first flight in almost three years. I used to fly all the time and travel extensively, but this time I nearly had a panic attack just being in the airport. Scared of everyone, scared to touch anything, totally OCD about germs. No one talking or smiling. Really bad vibes, but at least I ventured out! I’m hoping we can get back to normal at some point
After a long dry spell, I’m being randomly contacted and hit on by three different men I dated pre-Covid who couldn’t be bothered to make an effort back then. None of the three of them have even seen me in over three to five years, yet all are suddenly offering to wine and dine me over messenger and texts. The attention is nice but I can’t help but feel annoyed - where were any of them back then when they had a chance?! I don’t wanna be the Covid recovery girl!!
As I was leaving my underground parkade and walking toward the building entrance, a women approached at the same time. She was carrying a whole bunch of snowboarding gear. She was mask-less, while I was wearing one (as I do EVERYWHERE). I held the door open for her for several minutes while she struggled to get all her gear in and she thanked me profusely as her face basically grazed my own. In hindsight, I wish I'd just stood back and said, "You go ahead" and let her deal with the gear all alone. After all, that's what you're doing to immunocompromised, at-risk, marginalized folks when you don't wear a mask.
On top of it being a blue sky sunny day, I saw the cutest thing: A guy on a drive with his cat stopped at a traffic light. It was bumping up against his chest and nuzzling his chin. I can go home now feeling all warm and fuzzy on the inside.
I think I was born in the wrong time. I keep expecting to find people with integrity. People who’s word you can count on. People who admit when they’re wrong and apologize sincerely. But it’s become so increasingly rare that if you find such a person it’s like finding an actual unicorn. It seems like nowadays everyone is only out for themselves and they don’t think twice about screwing over the people in their lives. Even people who claim that they’re a friend or that they love you. I’m becoming totally isolated because I have been hurt far too much for one lifetime. I just want this one to end because I’m tired of being hurt. It’s not in my nature to be “tough” so that other people’s behaviour can’t hurt me. Trust me I know that much because I’ve been around long enough to figure it out. I don’t want to be like that anyway. It disgusts me and I have no respect for them once I see that huge character flaw. I know there’s good people out there but I sure haven’t found any of them around here. I wish there was a meetup group for other unicorns!
Like mostly everyone else, I’m re-entering society after 2 years of solitary pandemic life. What smacks me hard in the face is dealing with people again. Their egos. Their insecurities. Their lust. I wish I could first be a fly in the wall, just observing and not being directly involved. Watching the preview first before deciding to jump in. Alas, it’s not like that. It’s face to face contact with the human beings again. And it leaves me preferring the days where I experienced no judgment, no jealousy, no dealing with the minds of the opposite sex. People are complex and I don’t feel much desire to get to know them better, to deal with their baggage and needs and wants. Transitioning back in needs to happen in microdoses.
She loves my cellphone for some reason and will take any opportunity to meow very loudly at it when it rings. So, I think from now on I will let kitty answer all the spam calls I get. Perfect little floof secretary. Thanks love! :D
I’m feeling a little insulted but I’m not sure if it’s a reasonable way to feel under the circumstances. A couple of days ago I invited a buddy to get together this evening, and we made a plan. It was definite and I was looking forward to it. He sent me a message a little while ago saying he had made plans with some other guys (who I don’t know) to do something different, and invited me to join them. So I’m feeling ambivalent because he didn’t talk to me before he changed his plans, but he did ask me to join them. It still feels kind of rude to me. If it was me who wanted to change plans I’d already made with a friend, I would have called them to discuss it before I made plans with other people, even if I wanted to include him too.
I've been to counseling. I've bèen in group counseling too. I highly recommend it for any point(s) in life that is transitional or bumpy or heartbreaking or just plain stuck. But you wanna know what the most inexpensive, quickest way I get myself out of the blues and halt the slide into depression? I pick a fav up tempo song or a great dance tune and I walk down the street to that beat. It's gotta be outdoors b/c indoors it feels too safe or too much like cleaning day.
I get out there. Get my strut-like-groove-walk on. Outwardly, I'm too conservative to be tòo over the top, but inwardly?
block by block.
moves like Jagger
lighter and lighter
I'm a fighter
no one's the wiser.
See ya on the streets my people ; D
I have no interest in going to the gym anymore. I don't why...I just don't feel motivated enough to bounce around on a machine. My mom and sister workout and they've told me that I need to lose weight. I told them to just worry about their own health and keep their noses out of my business. I'm tired of being criticized and oppressed by my own family. I only do what works for me. Nobody else. I'm not a fat man. I walk kilometers everywhere, so that's good enough of a workout for me. They say exercise can cure depression, but honestly I'd sweat buckets after hour and still didn't feel happy.