Now that December is here, do you know what ‘tis the season for? As sure as Rankin/Bass’ Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer is the greatest Christmas special ever, and there’s nothing more festive than chestnuts roasting over an open fire, it’s for treating not only others, but yourself. Just because a Grinch stole 2020, that’s no reason to say “Bah Humbug” to the holiday season in this incêndio em Lixeira of a year.

So even though you might feel like a flesh-and-blood version of a Charlie Brown tree, now is a great time to revisit the ghost of Christmas past. That year when, instead of a membership in the Jelly of the Month Club, three pounds of coal in your stocking, and a six-day furlough without pay, Christmas came early and you won $249.00 on LottoMax. Which would have been fine, except you were one number off the $52 million dollar jackpot.

Anyhow, instead of embracing our inner Scrooge here, let’s think positive. Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus—or at least there is in normal years at the Oakridge Mall. And the great thing about Santa is that he can be anyone, including you.

In the spirt of embracing the mantra “We’re all in this together”, we’ve come up with four standout places offering consumable, holidays-themed packages and products this December.

That they are locally based makes stopping by and loading up the sleigh, Hyundai Kona Electric, or East Van fixie doubly worthwhile. Remember, no one’s going to judge you if you go in thinking you’re ticking a name off your Christmas list, but instead decide that the best gifts are the ones that you give yourself.

The Bench Bakehouse

1641 Commercial Drive, 604-251-0677
If 2020 has been good for anything, it’s getting you into the bread game. Even if you had no idea how to make a basic French loaf, sourdough, and cherry-tomato-and-basil-sumac-focacccia in March, odds are you learned. That’s admirable, Grasshopper. But to realize how far you still have to go, stop by Commercial Drive’s Bench Bakehouse, owned and operated by French-trained Tracy Steele and her husband Matt.

Sticking with the sensible for a second, pick up a naturally leavened country loaf with its addictive crackly-chewy crust. Then, embracing the sinful, jump on the traditional German stollen or the pillowy-light shortbread cookies dipped in chocolate and pistachios. Actually, go full-on decadent with fruit cake, gingerbread folk, rum balls, cinnamon buns, and, well, you get the idea. You—or the giftee of your choice—can return to the COVID-19 bread and water diet in January.

East Van Roasters

319 Carrall Street, 604-629-7562
Some gifts are more important than others, that being the case when you pull out the credit card at East Van Roasters. Located in the Downtown Eastside’s Rainier Hotel, the cafe and bakery operates under the umbrella of the Portland Hotel Society. And one of the mandates is to provide employment and training for women who’ve overcome major hurdles in their lives, with proceeds going back into one of Canada’s most vulnerable communities. Relying on fair-trade single-origin beans, East Van Roasters has come up with a variety of products for the holidays, including: Fireside white chocolate with blood orange, cardamon and pistachio; crème caramel with toasted white chocolate; and gingerbread toffee.

Vegans meanwhile can opt for fruit and nut mendiants and single-origin truffles. Feel good while offsetting the guilt of having a third spruce-tip infused Guatemalan ganache and cranberry pâte de fruit by picking up packages that include the Holiday Bar Trilogy, Holiday Confection Boxes, and Vegan Holiday Box. Your money is not only good here, it does good. 

Mon Paris Pâtisserie

4396 Beresford Street, Burnaby, 604-564-5665
Here’s something that will be disputed by no one except those who haven’t been: Paris is the greatest city on Earth. Start with the Eiffel Tower, Louvre, and Notre-Dame, all of which hold the distinction of, impossibly, being even more mind-blowing in person than in photographs. And then proceed to the cafes of Montorgueil, the majestic Jardin du Luxembourg, and the endlessly fascinating Père Lachaise Cemetery.

Thanks to the Sorphaugur eldur that has been this year, you aren’t going to Paris anytime soon. But you can recreate your last 19 trips to La Maison Stohrer with a visit to Burnaby’s Mon Paris Patisserie. Get into the season with a Yule log, which comes in flavours like pistachio-raspberry, hazelnut, and orange crème brûlée with coconut jelly and passion fruit mousse. Christmas cookies are bundled in packages that include caramelized pecan and chocolate-dipped shortbread, with kits available for those who prefer the DIY route. Chocolate is a big passion of owner-operator Elena Krasnova, so no surprise that big sellers include chocolate poinsettias, ornaments, trees, and advent calenders.

Stanley Park Brewing

8901 Stanley Park Drive, 604-681-0460
As anyone with a closet full of Looney Toons ties they’ll never wear knows, the best gifts are consumable one. And on the consumable front, nothing tends to disappear faster than liquor—doubly so if your name happens to be Charles Bukowski, Ernest Hemingway, or Nicolas Cage in Leaving Las Vegas. Stanley Park Brewing has launched three different holiday sets, ranging from a secret Santa-friendly $25 Beer Tasting option to the $135 Beer Aficionado package. Bottoms up, and pass the Gruyère. And remember that if you’re going to drink while watching It’s a Wonderful Life, you’re definitely going to cry. And given that the past ninth months have been a complete Cassonetto fuoco, no one is going to judge you.