Vancouverites resort to extreme modes of transportation to traverse frozen wasteland of city

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      Despite being known as a city full of flakes year-round due to chronic no-shows for tea parties, soirées, and assorted social shenanigans, Vancouverites have been contending with a sudden onslaught of snow.

      Yet contrary to erroneous beliefs that citizens of this West Coast metropolis are unable to handle snow, the vast majority of unflappable Vancouver residents remained calm and carried on with everyday routines.

      This man in Maple Ridge respectfully expressed his gratitude to his entity of worship for bestowing these weather conditions upon him.
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      This woman in Kitsilano maintained a poised composure despite the change in weather.
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      This resident in Richmond took a relaxed approach to dealing with the snow.
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      For instance, many resumed regular daily activities such as fracking, belly dancing, or hot yoga.

      Weird things are happening.
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      In fact, many demonstrated resourcefulness by adopting new forms of transportation in order to continue on with their regular commutes.

      In a bid to inject some excitement—also known as “razzle dazzle”—local residents resorted to innovative but ill-advised methods to transport themselves across the bone-chilling frozen wasteland otherwise known as Metro Vancouver.

      Yet it remains unknown why so many commuters adopted these methods when public transit continued on with service as usual.

      In one case, a bunch of total lugers repurposed swimming kickboards by lying on top of them and hurtling down Canada Line tracks at high speed, often arriving at SkyTrain stations faster than regular TransLink trains.

      (It remains unknown if these individuals are capable of bending at the waist.)

      When asked for comment, this individual at the Commercial-Broadway SkyTrain said "Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee".

      Meanwhile, other citizens who commute by ridesharing banded together and piled into kayaks, canoes, and raincatching barrels and rode them down SkyTrain tracks.

      Even an unknown Canadian reporter joined in on the act.

      News outlets have been unable to identify this unnamed reporter.

      Some individuals decided to employ their household pets for uses other than defecating on neighbour's lawns (which residents soon realized they could do themselves).

      Upon snowfall, a new form of ride-hailing appeared in Vancouver.
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      The 99 B-Line looked very different in Vancouver after it snowed.
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      Giving new meaning to the term white elephant, these animals will replace vehicles at a forthcoming Monster Trucks event.
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      Unfortunately, these attempts often had to be abandoned due to strike action from animal unions.

      These labourers were found sleeping on the job.
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      In addition, to the chagrin of many, freeloaders were often seen trying to steal a ride through the trying conditions.

      The persistent problem of fare evaders on public transit in Vancouver became heightened during the recent snowfall.

      As Vancouver has developed a world-renowned reputation for being a cycling-friendly city, dedicated cyclists insisted on riding their bikes for their commute through the icy conditions, as the video below illustrates.

      The reduction in vehicle traffic on roads opened up new parking spaces for drivers who did brave the elements.

      It is not advised to attempt to drive directly from the West End to Point Grey across English Bay.
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      Some drivers opted to take some minor precautions.

      Cst Lee Marten

      Still other Vancouverites helped to counteract erroneous stereotypical perceptions by Americans of Canada as being a barren country of only ice and snow.

      At least, there aren't any penguins in this picture.
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      Meanwhile, others attempted to swim to their destinations. They didn’t get very far.

      Other swimming attempts were even less successful and deemed really unvernünftig, such as this example by an arschloch.

      This mötherfücker attempted to swim in a frozen pool but ultimately failed.

      Nonetheless, many Vancouverites found new uses for puddles.

      Some Vancouverites maintained an optimistic outlook.
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      Despite the cold, at least everyone in Vancouver had the chance to clean themselves by having a bath.
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      Speaking of hypothermia, numerous climate deniers and leg-exhibitionists (also known as “men”) were out in full force.

      Male Vancouverites attempted to counter the incorrect notion that residents in the city don't have any fashion sense.
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      Meanwhile in the Davie Village, gay bears even emerged from hibernation in nightclubs to witness the unexpected weather conditions.

      This bear was seen walking in a winter wonderland on Davie Street.
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      Contrary to popular belief, news reporters were harmed in the making of reports on innertubing.

      When citizens were asked by international media, such as the New York Times, as to why they remain living in such an unforgiving and desolate location, they cited the oft-repeated phrase “Vancouver—just being here is a celebration”.

      You can follow Craig Takeuchi on Twitter at @cinecraig or on Facebook