The Georgia Straight's 2013 sex survey: The lust and thrust report

Our seventh annual sex survey reveals that not everyone uses a toothbrush to clean their teeth

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      We’ve all had embarrassing moments in the bedroom. But it’s rare that people will fess up to them publicly—unless they have anonymity, a keyboard, and a list of 80 questions on Then the floodgates will open, as demonstrated in the eighth annual Georgia Straight sex survey.

      When asked for the best “walk of shame” story, a Vancouver man revealed that after he was caught having sex in a hotel hot tub, a security guard escorted him back to his room in the nude. Then there was the Okanagan-area guy who recalled waking up in a woman’s bed after a one-night stand. That’s when he noticed her eight- or nine-year-old daughter “staring at us and disgustedly saying to her mom ‘Not again!’ ”

      A Surrey resident admitted that while returning items to a girlfriend after a breakup, he accidentally handed over earrings belonging to the new woman in his life. A Vancouver man described how he asked a woman “to write down her contact information the next morning so I could find out her name”.

      Meanwhile, a Vancouver woman confessed to riding the bus home in sexy lingerie “after a particularly debauched night at Sin City”. Another Vancouver woman asked a male friend to retrieve the video from a guy’s place where she was filmed having sex. A third Vancouver woman stated that she had sex with four different guys on four dates over the course of one day and evening—and none of them knew about the others. “But not much shame in that, really,” she added.

      Then there were revelations about the craziest places people had had sexual liaisons. The list included Home Depot, the Burrard Bridge, Station Square Pub, on a False Creek ferry, outside the downtown Vancouver courthouse, and in a portable toilet in a Burnaby park.

      Some of the oddest comments came in response to the question, “Other than body parts and sex toys, what else have you put up your ass?”

      A woman who lives in the Burnaby–New Westminster area said she had inserted a crayon. Another in the Tri-Cities reported shoving a flashlight and a razor handle into her butt. A third in Vancouver mentioned “a garden gnome’s nose (it was long)”.

      Several men admitted to pushing fruits and vegetables into their rectums, including four mentions of carrots. And the guy who chose an organic zucchini let us know that he covered it with a condom.

      Another guy said he inserted a vibrating toothbrush, emphasizing that it was “immediately disposed of afterward”. Computer joysticks, a hammer, a broomstick, and the leg of a chair were also on the list.

      Perhaps the smartest comment of all came from a woman whose sister is a paramedic. “The things that people stick up their asses is scary!” she declared. “If it breaks easily, don’t insert!!” Good advice.

      Who’s the hottest in Hollywood? Scarlett Johansson (left) nudged out Anne Hathaway (right) among guy survey respondents, whereas Ryan Gosling caused the most women to have a serious need for drool bibs.

      Our survey also revealed which actors, musicians, and politicians our readers want to take to bed. Last year, Johnny Depp was dethroned after six straight years as the most fuckable male actor in the eyes of female respondents. This year, he didn’t even crack the top-three male thespians, a sure sign that he’s past his best-before date.

      However, Tom Cruise maintained his place at the top of the list of actors people never want to have sex with. Maypo, as Cruise was called in high school, should take this as a compliment. It means people still care enough to hate him.


      We're now using Facebook for comments.



      Feb 7, 2013 at 10:46am

      OK. So I'm a mostly hetero guy. But why does the cover always have to present a hetero couple as the default couple? Time for two lusty dykes on the cover! Or a 3ouple! Enough already with the heteronormativity!


      Feb 7, 2013 at 10:50am

      Grammar problem: "back to his room in the nude" is a misplaced modifier. Was the security guard nude or was it the dude? Now a nude security guard--that could be really hot or really gross--a nude dude, well that's pretty vanilla. I can see that off certain trails in Stanley Park any lovely summer day.


      Feb 7, 2013 at 2:50pm

      Johnny Depp is still the most fuckable male actor for me,he is delicious 4ever!


      Feb 7, 2013 at 7:55pm

      Completely worthless survey. Leftist Georgia Straight readers are in no way representative of the general population.

      what sex survey?

      Feb 7, 2013 at 7:59pm

      what sex survey?

      Daneil Williamson

      Feb 9, 2013 at 8:45pm

      As House always said "People lie all the time."

      I and a lovely lady once did it in a swimming pool and a woman who watched reported it to a female lifeguard. That lifeguard was always very friendly with me thereafter. Strange as it may seem I was too shy to ever make a move on her even though I found her very attractive.

      Kitti Mahg

      Feb 22, 2013 at 6:11am

      I agree with the hetero-normative comment. BORING!
      Though sex always sells, there never seems to be anything interesting printed anymore about it. Can't tell if I've been desensitized by the internet, or if nobody has any imagination anymore.
      Yeah yeah....Another young hetero couple fucking in a parking lot *yawn*