Savage Love: I fantasize about men in women’s underwear

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      Email Dan

      I am a hetero female, but one of my biggest fantasies is for a guy to dress up in women’s underwear. Not full-blown drag, just a teddy, fishnets, and some heels. He doesn’t even have to act like a woman. I just want him to parade around a bit, and just for me. I’ve had the ovaries to bring this up only twice to men I’ve been with. My first boyfriend was game, but I was so insecure with my sexuality at the time that I let it go. My second boyfriend found it degrading and wouldn’t do it. I think there are two things holding me back: (1) I’ve never even heard of this fantasy, and that makes me feel like a creep. Is there a name for it? (2) I know the first time I will giggle with joy and I’m afraid that will be a big buzzkill if my hypothetical future boyfriend thinks I’m laughing at him.

      > Lingerie Without A Man

      1. There isn’t a name for this fantasy, LWAM, so let’s come up with one. How about “Frank-N-Furter-Ing”, for Dr. Frank-N-Furter, a noted research scientist who also enjoyed dressing straight boys up in fishnets, teddies, and heels.

      Your fantasy probably lacks a name because it isn’t that odd or a whole lot to ask. And this fantasy makes you more sexually and romantically marketable than you seem to realize, LWAM. The world is full of men who aren’t gay, aren’t into drag, and aren’t into full-blown cross-dressing but who are turned on by the idea of wearing the girlfriend’s panties and/or a little lingerie. A lot of these men are with women who barely tolerate their kinks. The single ones, on the other hand, are out there looking for a girlfriend who is turned on by the thought of a guy in panties, a teddy, fishnets, and heels. Post a few explicit personal ads on online dating sites—kinkster and normster—and I promise you’ll be flooded with responses from guys who want to put on a show for you.

      2. It is permissible to giggle during sex. If you’re worried that your partner might think you’re laughing at him, qualify your giggles in advance. Explain that you’re prone to joyous laughter when you’re turned on and you might get a little giddy during his performance. Emphasize that your giggles are evidence of arousal, not disgust or contempt. Then prove it by fucking the shit out of him.

      3. Have you checked out Think of it as your own personal porn stash before you find a boyfriend, and your favourite online shopping destination after.

      I am a heterosexual female. My husband hates condoms. When we started being exclusive and monogamous, we were both fully screened for STDs and I went on the pill. That was four years ago. Since then, I have been through eight different versions of the pill. My current one gives me a two-week period, I have gained about 25 pounds in two months, and I am more moody. My doctor just prescribed me a new pill that will likely increase my weight and make me even moodier, but it should decrease the length of the period. I am sick of this! I think my husband should suck it up and wear a condom.

      He is completely resistant. It is ironic that the pill protects me from pregnancy if I have sex, but we’re having less sex due to the weight gain, bloating, bleeding, no sex drive, and other side effects. My doctor does not think other options for birth control (e.g., an intrauterine device) will be a good fit for me. Should I continue on the pill or tell my husband that if he wants sex, he has to share responsibility in avoiding pregnancy?

      > Tired Of Pills

      Shared responsibility.

      And you can keep having sex without pills, condoms, or pregnancies. There’s oral (his and hers), anal (ditto), and mutual masturbation (underrated). But if it’s vaginal intercourse he wants, then he’ll have to get used to condoms. Some women can’t take hormonal birth control, and your husband is married to one.

      I was watching a porno featuring a hot gay threesome. Two tops double-penetrated a bottom. The odd part: the tops shared a single condom! I’m wondering how safe this might be. It certainly doesn’t seem safe.

      > Dubious In Phoenix

      It was safe for the bottom—provided that overtaxed condom didn’t burst (here’s hoping they were using a more spacious, more durable female condom)—but it wasn’t safe for the tops. Jamming two dicks into a single condom could result in dick-to-dick transmission of a number of sexually transmitted infections: herpes, HPV, chlamydia, syphilis, gonorrhea, et cetera.

      I am a 25-year-old straight woman. I recently started seeing a man. The first time I slept with him, he told me that he was interested in a relationship, and I told him that I wanted to keep things purely casual. Over the next month and a half of talking to him, hanging out, and having sex, I started to really like him. I was thinking about changing my mind and taking the relationship to the next level.

      The last time I saw him was a week ago. He came over, we had sex, and then he mentioned he had met someone else. As he was beginning to elaborate, I told him to leave.

      My anger comes from his timing. If he had told me this before we had sex, Dan, I would have been able to have a constructive conversation about this. The problem now, if I’m being completely honest with myself, is that I really like him and I don’t want to stop seeing him.

      A couple of questions: do I reach out to him again? Did I overreact?


      > Left In The Lurch

      I can understand why you were upset. You had already taken things to the “next level” in your heart—you were thinking of this guy as your boyfriend—you just hadn’t gotten around to informing him about the upgrade. And you assumed that when you did get around to letting him know, he would be delighted. Because he was the one who wanted a relationship at the beginning, right?

      Unfortunately, LITL, he took you at your word when you said you weren’t interested in a relationship. Keeping things “purely casual” with you meant he was free to pursue a relationship with someone else.

      I can’t help but wonder what he was about to say when you told him to get out. He met someone else, which wasn’t a violation of your rules. Did that mean things were over between you two (which would make the timing of the last fuck an insult)? Or was he willing to pass on this other girl if you were ready for a relationship (which would make tossing him out before he could elaborate a mistake)? You probably should’ve heard him out.

      Go ahead and reach out. Let him know that you were thinking about taking things to the next level—ughers to that phrase—before he told you about the other girl. You were starting to fall for him, you hoped he felt the same, and you were disappointed. But since he was only doing what you asked—keeping it casual—you can’t fault him for keeping his options open, looking around, dating other girls, et cetera. And you can’t fault him for failing to read your mind.

      Close by telling him that you’d be open to dating—a real, noncasual relationship—if things don’t work out with this other girl.


      Download the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) at Email: Follow me on Twitter at @fakedansavage.





      Dec 28, 2012 at 7:34am

      i been wear knickers for year i also like wearing alsorts of woemans clothes as i enjoy it very much i have been looking for a woman who would like this for her man to dress up for and have fun with im still looking its not very easy but i do keep on try so one day it wil happen i wear knickers all the time as they are confortable and look more sexier than male boxers shorts if there is a female out there that would like to see a man in knickers then let me know :)


      Jan 2, 2013 at 5:28am

      i have been in the closet since the age of 3 i like to wear panties and nightgowns every day the way the panty or thong touchs feand the gown rubs my nipples leaves me with really damp panties


      Jan 10, 2013 at 10:08am


      My name is Ryan and I am the GM of I wanted to thank you for the link to our site, and for the way you answered her question. A lot of customers come to us (women buying for men and men buying for themselves or a partner) and are shy about their fantasies and/or enjoyment of men's lingerie. Truth is, hundreds of thousands of men wear lingerie, and love it, as do their partners! We get so many e-mails about how couples have finally played out their fantasies of the man in lingerie, and how they have both found unimaginable pleasure.
      Ladies, don't be shy or embarrassed, and certainly not ashamed, if you fantasize about your man in lingerie. He may be very open to this, and may even be wearing yours while your not looking ;).
      Men, if your ladies are curious about this, and you have never tried it, give it a shot, be open and spice things up a bit. You may even thoroughly enjoy it!

      There is a lot of pleasure to be found here, go and explore!

      Thanks again!



      Jan 12, 2013 at 1:39pm

      I can say that she is not alone in this fem undies fantasy many of my clients male and female a like have told me of this particular undies fantasy and I can tell you that she is equally turned on by the idea of you wearing your own pair panties and/or lingerie. as you are...All that I can say is to enjoy yourselves and guys you should always groom all of your intimate areas for your comfort especially if it's lace or any mesh you don't have to shave it clean and smooth just low enough to not get cought in the lace or mesh ! ;)....P.S. you are not along!


      Feb 4, 2013 at 7:31am

      hi; i have been wearing panties for years without my wife knowing, so last october i run out of boxers due to washing not been done i put on a pair of my wife`s panties and now i wear panties 24/7 i even bought 6 of my favourite pairs.

      djci love

      Jun 9, 2013 at 10:45am

      I love pantys an pantyhose. Wear them in public with shorts an fish net top I'm straight love woman's pantys an pantyhose an show them to woman's party's best sex I ever had!

      batman and robin

      Jul 20, 2013 at 10:26pm

      i love lingerie so much and babydoll outfit and gown and short gown even bras and panties and stocking and heels and shoes and boots wow wow wow.///


      Jul 21, 2013 at 4:47am

      dress me up!


      Aug 6, 2013 at 3:40am

      I also love to see a woman wearing a full cut panties it really turns me on.I feel as if she could whip me I am getting that lust to get that pain on my buttocks


      Aug 28, 2013 at 6:31am

      I enjoy looking sexy but nice for ladies, have had a few make-overs, this was an amazing experience.

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