It's completely normal for a straight man to look at women’s boobs

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      Email Dan

      Is it normal for my man to be so attracted to boobs that even though mine are beautiful and perfect, my boyfriend still wants to look at every other woman with a set of big boobs that he can? Aren’t mine enough?

      > Boyfriend Ogles Other Breasts

      You sound like a new reader, BOOB, so before we get to the advice, I wanna welcome you to the Savage Love family. With that out of the way…

      Nope, yours aren’t enough.

      Yep, it’s normal for a straight man to look at women’s boobs—boobs on the woman he’s with, boobs on women he’s not with, and boobs on women who don’t technically exist and can’t be gotten with, e.g., Veronica Lodge, Lara Croft, Nicki Minaj. Did you think checking out boobs was a symptom of leukemia or something? And while your set may be practically perfect in every possible way—which would make you the Mary Poppins of boobs—your man is still gonna check out other women’s sets.

      But your man shouldn’t be a dick about it. Although it’s perfectly normal for a partnered straight guy to check out other women—just as it’s perfectly normal for a partnered straight woman to check out other men (see you at Magic Mike this weekend, ladies)—your man should be discreet. He can train himself to look without looking like he’s looking; he can learn to check out other women without ogling them. It’s not about hiding the fact that he’s looking; it’s about caring enough to take your feelings into consideration, BOOB, to say nothing of the feelings of the other women he’s checking out.

      And if he can look without being an inconsiderate dick about it, BOOB, you should let him look without being an insecure bitch about it—don’t blow up or melt down if you catch him taking a quick, subtle look at another woman’s boobs. Because if he’s considerate enough to be discreet, BOOB, you can be considerate enough to turn a blind eye.


      I’ve been with my boyfriend since I was 15. I’m 20 now. In all the time we’ve been together, I’ve never had an orgasm. For a long time, I wanted to get a vibrator, but my boyfriend hated that idea and never wanted me to get one because he says he already feels like crap that he can’t get me off. Recently, I thought, “What the hell—I want to see what happens!” So I bought one on my own. The very first time I used it, I got off in two minutes. Now I feel stupid for not buying one sooner. My question is…

      How do I tell him? Should I tell him? He always wanted to be the first person to give me an orgasm, and as far as he knows, I still haven’t had one.

      > Couldn’t Wait Forever

      Tell your boyfriend you bought a vibrator, CWF. If the boyfriend has a sad about your purchase—and your ability to climax (congrats!)—tell him that some women require the kind of intense, focused stimulation that only a vibrator can provide in order to get off, and, as it turns out, you’re one of those women. And he can still be the first person to give you an orgasm: he can give you one with a vibrator in his hand. And if he acts like an insecure bitch about it, CWF, if he blows up or melts down, well…

      New vibrator, newly orgasmic—maybe it’s time for a new boyfriend, too?


      I am a woman who has been with my male partner for one year. We live together and get along well. Our relationship is “monogamish”, and we’re both totally GGG. The thing is, our sex has dwindled rapidly. I have a high sex drive and would prefer to be having sex more often. It really sucks being turned down all the time. When I bring it up, he gets mad and says I’m making him feel bad. But, honestly, all I’m doing is letting him know that I’m hot for him. I am not trying to make him feel bad or put pressure on him. I now ignore my sexual urges unless he initiates something. But I feel hurt when he tells me how much he masturbates. He masturbates when I’m at work and when I’m asleep. He is always masturbating. As much as I enjoy self-pleasuring and know it’s good for a person to do, it seems he would rather masturbate than have sex with me. What’s a gal to do?

      > Sadly Pensive And Neglected Kinkster

      A gal is to DTMFA, SPANK.

      Couples counsellors and sex-advice professionals have a term for people who rebuff their partner’s sexual advances and then go out of their way to inform their partners that they’re masturbating while their partners are at work, asleep beside them, et cetera: we call people like that assholes. Because someone who wounds his sex partner through active neglect, salts those wounds by making it clear that he’s jerking it in her absence, and then makes his partner feel like she’s the bad guy isn’t guilty of thoughtless cruelty. He’s guilty of intentional, malicious cruelty. Can’t you see what your boyfriend has already done to you? He’s trained you to “ignore [your] own sexual urges”—he’s trained you not to initiate, not to make any demands on him at all—and now you’re only sexual when he wants you to be sexual. It doesn’t sound like your boyfriend wants a girlfriend, SPANK, it sounds like he wants a Fleshlight that pays half the rent.

      DTMFA.

      CONFIDENTIAL TO PEOPLE WHO WEAR T-SHIRTS: Aydian Dowling was one of the three LGBT youths whose stories were featured in the It Gets Better special on MTV and Logo earlier this year. Like many young trans men, Aydian needs “top surgery”—chest surgery that will bring his body into line with his gender identity—and this expensive surgery isn’t covered by health-insurance plans.

      “Health insurance in the USA doesn’t cover transgender surgeries at all,” he says. “They’re covered in the U.K., Canada, and Australia. The waiting lists are long, but at least it’s covered.” Aydian has a job—he’s a baker—but he doesn’t have health insurance through his workplace. Which means Aydian not only has to pay for his top surgery out of his own pocket, he also has to pay for all the preliminary blood work and tests and any postoperative care that he might need.

      “A lot of trans people ask for donations on sites like ChipIn to help cover the costs of their surgeries,” Aydian says. “But raising the $6,000 that top surgery costs through donations alone is pretty hard. And I wanted to give something back to people who donated.”

      To give something back, Aydian designed a line of T-shirts. His T-shirts—which are high-quality, trans-themed, and really fuckin’ cool—cost Aydian $10 to produce, and he’s selling them for $20. Between the money Aydian and his wife, Jenilee, were given as wedding gifts and the money he’s raised selling his T-shirts, Aydian is just $300 from his $6,000 goal.

      Aydian had originally planned to stop selling his T-shirts once he hit his goal. But the shirts have been such a hit, Aydian has decided to keep selling them to help pay for other trans men’s top surgeries.

      You can check out Aydian’s shirts at point5cctshirtcompany. The T-shirts are trans-themed—T-Rex!—but anyone can buy and wear them. Check ’em out!

       

      Download the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) at www.straight.com. Email: mail@savagelove.net. Follow me on Twitter at @fakedansavage.

      Comments

      17 Comments

      Hazlit

      Jun 20, 2012 at 11:23am

      Nice tits! (This from a partnered straight man)

      Sarah B

      Jun 20, 2012 at 11:28am

      STFU, Dan Savage.

      bdubblut

      Jun 20, 2012 at 1:50pm

      And it is equally normal for guys to check out other guys crotchs.
      Straight and gay.

      Urbanelf

      Jun 20, 2012 at 3:46pm

      I know GAY men who check out women's tits all the time.... get used to it honey. It ain't never gonna stop.

      "it sounds like he wants a Fleshlight that pays half the rent." ~ Best. Line. EVER.

      lone voice of dissent

      Jun 20, 2012 at 3:58pm

      STFU, Sarah B

      They Are All Jerks...They Can't Help It

      Jun 20, 2012 at 6:19pm

      Dear Boyfriend Ogles Other Breasts,
      You are not being an "insecure bitch" as Dan (little dick) Savage so eloquently stated you are just a healthy territorial female. Primitively speaking, it is our genetic makeup to be territorial against other females. It is our way of protecting our (potential) offspring and our position in the pack as the alpha female. Whether or not the other female intends your man to be attracted to her you sense that he is and you feel that your position as the alpha is threatened as you should feel because whether or not he admits it he is showing you that your position with him is not secure - that at any moment your position with him can be usurped by the next set of tits that comes along. With that being said if it is totally bothersome for you, just dump him. I choose not to be in relationships anymore because it is very annoying to me that one woman (and her assets) are not enough for a man. They are constantly wanting more (whether or not he's obvious about it). It is not in a man's nature to be monogamous in any way shape or form they are always having to control their urges.
      So, while it goes against my genetic makeup as a female (to nest and settle with one man) I am much happier and healthier now mentally and emotionally to be objectifying men just as they do to us. I am having much more fun toying with them and teasing them; loving and leaving them; and listening to them and considering their feelings, thoughts and emotions only as a way to achieve what I want from them. I return their calls and texts at my earliest convenience, whenever I feel like it. I say I’ll call and I don’t and you know what they do? They go crazy, they call even more. Text even more asking me if it’s something they did! LOL! My attitude towards men has only served to make me more desirable and attractive to men. They find my aloofness and complete disregard and disrespect for them actually attractive because in the end men are simple creatures - they always want what they can't have (that’s why even though you have a “perfect” set of tits he’s still looking at other bitches) and because they are naturally hunters they are always seeking the most unattainable prey. Always remember that no matter how educated, rich, nice, kind, sweet and seemingly civilized a man may appear they are all animals at heart. Men are hunters that want nothing more than to prey upon you and achieve their end goal. It is their nature, their genetic makeup. Primitively speaking, women are the prey and men are the hunters so in defense of being preyed upon women have developed extraordinary instincts or "intuition" to assist in determining when there is an impending threat, when they are being preyed upon and/or toyed with (a hunter may indulge in toying with its prey before killing it and eating it. Or in your case dumping you so he can move on to another pair of “perfect” tits. Killer Whales will playfully toss a seal back and forth to each other before devouring it and then move on to another seal to toy with in the same way before devouring it).
      Men feel that when it comes to a woman, a man can always do better. You have one of three options: 1) Be like every other stupid female and assume with a little patience and love you will be able to change what is human male nature or that he will suddenly wake up and realize that you are enough for him. 2) Become the hunter and stop being the prey. Dump his ass and change your world, make it want you want it to be or 3) Play his game. "What's good for the goose is good for gander." So, gander away, just like he does, at anything that catches your fancy. And make sure he sees you doing it too so he knows that you know you have options as well.

      Way to Fail

      Jun 20, 2012 at 8:13pm

      OR, you can not be such a judgmental douche-wad and follow the golden rule: Doesn't matter where you get your appetite as long as you eat at home. Not all men are slavering sex monsters that only care about your vag and how much they can get, but they ALL have a sex drive, just like women. If you are that insecure that you can't handle a little wandering of eyes then you need some help honey. Maybe you have had to deal with some serious idiots or maybe you are being over dramatic, but calm down. You don't need to be territorial, because a man that loves you won't leave you just because some chick has a great rack. If he does, then he's an asshole and you didnt need him anyways. But don't paint all men with the same brush.

      Spicy McHaggis

      Jun 21, 2012 at 1:25am

      Boobays, dems boobays goes boingy boingy boingy.

      kim

      Jun 21, 2012 at 8:58am

      apparently there was a study that proved that looking at womens' breasts lowers ones blood pressure because it reminds us of the nourishment we received from our mamas breasts. personally i am not so sure, but breasts do seem to make all of our hearts palpitate with anticipation at some point....

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