A first-timer’s guide to booking a sex worker in Canada

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      Sex//Work is a new column written by people in Vancouver’s sex work industry.

      Want to hire an independent sex provider in Canada but not sure where to start? Look no further—here’s a first-timer’s guide on how to book a sex worker, from selection to hygiene to etiquette.

      My credentials on the topic? I’m an escort.

      How to find an escort in Canada

      The best website to find escorts is Tryst. This website is free for escorts to list on, and they can boost themselves in the ratings by paying a little more. It has the most ethical treatment of escorts, the greatest total number of escorts, and advanced search functions where you can sort by stuff like hair color, body type, gender, and amount they charge. LeoList is also used, but charges way more and doesn’t remove scam postings, so use your research skills to determine if a provider is legitimate. You can click on providers’ profiles, which will usually have more photos, a description about themselves, and links to a website, social media, and contact information.

      Many escorts have their own website, and you should actively check to see if it’s listed on their ads. This isn’t just a way to get more information about their vibe, but also to help learn more about likes and dislikes, booking procedures, and contact preferences. 

      Here are a few typical sections to look through on an escort’s website:

      Rates/donations/considerations: This is where you’ll find hourly rates. It’s considered pretty bad form to ask for discounts or to haggle.

      Etiquette: This is where they tell you the basics of how they want you to act. Most escorts use pretty similar etiquette codes.

      Gallery: This is where you can see a few collections of professional photos.

      Most commonly, providers will ask for a deposit if they’re travelling a long distance to see you, or if you are booking for a few hours. Or sometimes if you are a first-time client to them.

      Often sex workers will have a cancellation policy, where they charge you a percentage of what you were to pay them if you didn’t show up. Try your best to know your schedule before making a booking.
      “Incalls” are when you go to the provider, and “outcalls” are when they come to you. Often there will be a bit of an extra charge for one or the other, typically in order to cover travel or hotel expenses.

      You can also hire two sex workers at a time; these are called duos. Hell, you could get a little wild and book a trio! Some escorts have duo pages, where they list other escorts that they are available to work with. 

      Social media

      Many escorts will have a link to Twitter/X (which is, incidentally, one of the few last-standing platforms that allow open sex workers, and I am very grateful for that). Check out their Twitter profile for activity—photos, opinions, interactions with other sex workers, or discreet references to recent fun dates they’ve had. This is a great way to verify the authenticity of the provider. If you’re still worried, you can reverse image search photos.

      Now you’ve searched for your provider; found someone you find hot; read their website and etiquette; found out when they are available; and you’re ready to book. What’s next?

      Client screening

      Screening is a necessary protection for the sex worker. Usually, screening information includes things like references from other escorts you’ve seen, ID verification, or some mix of both. The provider might ask to verify your work, meaning you’ll have to provide a LinkedIn profile. The screening information might feel invasive, especially if it’s your first time, but this is to ensure the safety and comfort of your provider. And if the escort you’re seeing is professional (at this point in this guide, you should know how to spot this) then they’ve got a lot of incentive to treat your information with discretion and respect.

      I hate to break it to ya, but the bar for being a good client is pretty low. So: be polite, direct, and read all available information. You wouldn’t believe how many clients are time-wasters, providing incomplete screening information or not offering the necessary information to make a booking. So if there is a form on their website, fill it out. If not, send an email that has your name, a brief intro, the amount of time you’d like to visit for, when, and where. This can look like: 

      “Hi there, Lexci! My name is John. I am a 55-year-old from Vancouver and I would love to meet with you for three hours on March 18 around midday. Alternatively, I am available March 20 around the same time. I have also included my LinkedIn profile and am deposit-ready. Thank you for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you.”

      Sex with an escort

      Advice on the sex itself is hard, because it’s so individual. But generally it’s good to ask before doing anything, such as putting your tongue in their ear or touching their hair.

      And the usual rules apply. Have your teeth brushed, your nails short and smooth. I don’t think sex workers care that much about body hair, as long as you are clean and smell nice. Use a washcloth and scrub yourself beforehand. We will appreciate you so much just for being clean! 

      And lastly, don’t stay beyond your time. Tell them what you liked about it, tip them if you want to, put on your clothes, and head out the door.

      If you’re very inexperienced, or a virgin, feel free to let your escort know—they’ve probably helped out with that before. It’s also legitimately not a big deal to be inexperienced; some of my most fulfilling work came from seeing inexperienced clients, because it felt good to be such a large, influential part of the stepping stones in someone’s life.

      And I wouldn’t be too self-conscious, if I were you. It’s not uncommon to meet people who, nervous about their first time or stressed about work, can’t get hard. This is seriously not a big deal; bodies do funny stuff.

      Ideally, seeing a sex worker is a vibrant, playful experience. The stakes aren’t high; you’re there to explore, be yourself, and figure out who you are when having casual sex with a new, fun person. It’s okay to be weird, to experiment. Most escorts I know are really, genuinely delighted to help with that. 

      Sex is awesome. Paying for sex is strange, but worth it. It’d be tragic to live a whole life without coming into your sexual self, without having wonderful sexual adventures—so find a sex worker (or a few) and start exploring.