By Chiara Milford
When you gotta go, you gotta go. But not all loos are created equal.
Some bathrooms leave you wondering whether you need to take a tetanus shot after using them; many have less privacy than West 4th on a Saturday morning; and don’t get us started on places without adequate toilet paper supplies. Most have zero vibes—but not these five.
1. Hail Mary’s
Throw gender segregation out the window: are you a saint or are you a sinner? When nature comes calling, it’s a sexy choose-your-own-adventure at the Catholic-themed bar (yeah, you read that right) of Hail Mary’s. The spacious washroom for saints is plastered with antique (and inclusive!) sex scenes, while sinners will head to the fiery depths of hell and back. Highly
Instagrammable, of course.
2. Como Taperia
Como has wallpapered its restrooms with vintage soccer cards. Who doesn’t dream of taking care of business under the moustachioed gaze of Spain’s finest footballers? It’s always fun to try to match pairs of cards while you wash your hands. These washrooms are small but mighty—and, perhaps most importantly, private.
3. Wedgewood Hotel & Spa
Shoot a knowing nod at the concierge of the Wedgewood Hotel and then head down the carpeted stairs from the elegant foyer into washroom paradise. Stay a while. Read a book. Enjoy the smooth, lo-fi jazz. Smother yourself in complimentary L’Occitane hand cream and gaze at yourself in floor-length mirrors. Rich? You could be! Powder your literal nose amidst the floral arrangements and ornate wall sconces. You’ll emerge onto the street like you’ve just spent the day at the spa.
4. Jackalope’s Neighbourhood Dive
On the opposite end of the vibe scale, here’s a place to surround yourself with head-banging kittens and guitar-playing hounds. The washroom at Jackalope’s gives you total privacy from the very polite metal bar it services—and while it’s one of those places where you can’t see yourself in the mirror thanks to all the stickers telling you to hail Satan, it’s surprisingly clean and well-stocked for its grungy tone. Bonus points for the naloxone kit hanging by the mirror and the note encouraging visitors to support their local animal shelter.
5. Loula’s Taverna
Smash my plate on the floor and call me Susan, did you know that Jennifer Anniston is half Greek? Her face is plastered all over a bathroom at Commercial Drive’s rowdiest Greek taverna, as is fellow Greek American heartthrob John Stamos. Those in the know will also sneak around into the not-so-hidden backroom’s washroom, which is ornately decorated with peacocks and 19th-century furnishings. The Greek soap is very on-brand and keeps your hands smelling as fresh as mastic trees.