Silent Hill: Revelation 3D gives horror a bad name

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      Starring Adelaide Clemens, Sean Bean, and Radha Mitchell. Rated 18A.

      When I walked into the Vancouver media screening of Silent Hill: Revelation 3D the other day, there was a handful of movie critics sitting around looking like they'd rather be anywhere else. One of the writers, when asked how she was doing, sarcastically replied: "Well, I'm at a horror film."

      Horror flicks don't get much respect from the mainstream media, it seems, but there's good horror and bad horror, just like anything else. Unfortunately, there's also horror like Silent Hill: Revelation 3D, which is so numbingly awful that you can't blame anyone for holding a grudge against the genre after seeing it.

      Just how terrible is SH3D? Well, at one point, writer-director Michael J. Bassett actually tries to scare you with a Kellogg's Frosted Pop-Tart. No kidding. There's a scene early on where the sugary snack springs up loudly in a toaster, with intent to startle. That's actually one of the high points of the film.

      From there, the movie--which is based on a series of survival-horror video games--follows the nightmarish existence of Heather (Adelaide Clemens), a rebellious teen who has just moved to a depressed inner-city neighbourhood with her on-the-run father (Sean Bean). Though she is a dedicated loner, she is soon befriended at school by the other new kid in town (Kit Harington from TV's Game of Thrones). She can use all the support she can get, as she's constantly under siege from an array of wildly mutated, Clive Barker-inspired demon creatures. Or maybe she's just imagining that.

      In 2006's similarly crappy Silent Hill, Heather's mother (Radha Mitchell) vanished into the eerie West Virginia ghost town of the same name, and in this sequel, her dad winds up there as well. He always warned Heather never to go to Silent Hill, but there's a message scrawled in blood on their living-room wall that reads "Come to Silent Hill", so, obviously, she takes the wall's advice.

      Once she gets there, things really get nutty. Faceless demon nurses in miniskirts and high heels cavort with knives whenever they hear a noise, and perennial weirdo Malcolm McDowell shows up to spout gibberish in a metal dog collar and freaky mesh top. The dialogue becomes increasingly asinine and the gory violence more numbing until the whole ugly mess finally shudders to a merciful end.

      The haters of horror are gonna love this one.


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      A. MacInnis

      Oct 30, 2012 at 6:46am

      Even the only positive review on Rotten Tomatoes (last I checked, anyhow) is pretty darn negative (first sentence is, "As far as sub-literate, incomprehensible pieces of garbage are concerned, ‘Silent Hill: Revelation 3D‘ is one of the year’s best") -

      Somehow I still want to see this. Why?

      Steve Newton

      Oct 30, 2012 at 10:38am

      Malcolm McDowell spouting gibberish in a metal dog collar and freaky mesh top perhaps?

      A. MacInnis

      Nov 1, 2012 at 2:00am

      Malcolm McDowell kinda upsets me, actually. I'm a big fan of If and O Lucky Man and several of his early roles, but I can't watch his post-Caligula movies without feeling bummed about his career trajectory: he's been in some serious drek,and I find SOME of his performances kind of phoned-in hamminess (I thought he was just AWFUL in Brandon Cronenberg's film). So yeah, that gibberish-dog-collar thing just sounds depressing, like seeing Brian Cox in diapers or Michael Caine without his teeth, or watching some of the crap John Carradine ended up in...

      Note: for all I know, Michael Caine has his real teeth. I'm just saying.

      The Meta

      Feb 19, 2013 at 4:17pm

      movie was awesome play the game and im sure you will agree


      May 23, 2013 at 4:30pm

      Silent hill 3 is my favorite game of all time. Ive beaten it an embarrassing amount of times.
      This movie is shit