I Don’t Follow

For some reason Selena Gomez made her Instagram private on Tuesday. With 130 million followers, Gomez is literally the most-followed person in the world, so this suggests she really, really doesn’t understand how the Internet works.

Drivin N Cryin

A judge denied Randy Travis’s request to stop the state of Texas from releasing video of the singer’s 2012 DUI arrest, which means we all get to see a buck-naked Travis telling a patrolman, “You will die, motherfucker.” Lucky us.

Going Down

Three years after being beaten up in a New York elevator by his sister-in-law Solange Knowles, Jay-Z celebrated his 48th birthday by inviting paparazzi to shoot him and his wife, Beyoncé, in—you guessed it—an NYC elevator. Jay-Z told the assembled to “Come get it”—but only after making sure Solange was nowhere to be seen.

Matrix Metal

Researchers in Boston used an artificial-intelligence program to generate a black-metal album. DADABOTS’ Coditany of Timeness is a thoroughly convincing emulation of the genre—which is a nice way of saying it’s fucking unlistenable.