This is shaping up to be a great year for music fans who hate missing out on things yet increasingly have zero desire to get off the couch and leave the house.

The good news for said folks is that some of music’s biggest stars continue to announce that they are done touring. That means you’ll no longer have to sit there watching Seinfeld re-runs while thinking “Man, instead of taking root here, I really should be downtown at Madonna/Paul McCartney/Katy Perry/Alcoholic White Trash tonight.”

Today’s news is that Elton John has decided he’s finally had enough of making the trek to Abbotsford to play “Rocket Man” and “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road” for the 10 millionth time. In a live-stream event with Anderson Cooper, the multiplatinum pop legend announced this morning that he’s about to embark on his farewell tour. The endeavor will take him around the world for three years.

John told Cooper that having kids with his husband made him realize there are more important things that his career.

“I’ve been touring since I was 17 with various bands,” John said. “I thought the time is right to say thank you to all my fans and say goodbye.”

He added that he’ll continue to make records. Long-time fans can presumably continue to see the 70-year-old live in Las Vegas, where he’s done two residencies Caesars Palace.

John’s Farewell Yellow Brick Road tour will kick off in September, with a whopping 300 shows scheduled to take place on five continents.

It should be noted that this isn’t the first time that John has announced his retirement from touring. In 1977 he announced, “I’ve made a decision tonight that this is going to be the last show. There’s a lot more to me than playing on the road and this is the last one I’m going to do.” That retirement from the road lasted a grand total of two years.

Earlier this week Rush’s Alex Lifeson told the Globe and Mail that the band he founded with Geddy Lee in 1968 was officially done.

On Monday American songwriting legend Neil Diamond suddenly announced that his touring days are over thanks to challenges from Parkinson’s Disease.

Also on Monday, heavy-metal legends Slayer revealed they’ll be hanging up the devil horns after one last swing around the world.
The only good news about all of the above is that, moving forward, the flurry of pop-music retirements will take some of the guilt out of your steadfast refusal to remove yourself from the couch.