Forget Christmas, Easter, and the one day when it’s okay to dress up like the thing from Leprechaun while drinking like Shane MacGowan, there’s one most wonderful time of the year that trumps all others.
And the saddest thing about it is that some people don’t get it.
If you do, welcome to NHL playoff season. Or, more accurately, welcome to the first round of the playoffs, where on any given night—aka Thursday (April 12)—you can glue your ass to the couch with a 12-pack of Corona, a pair of Depends adult diapers, and a Costco-sized bag of Cheese Pleezers for hours. It’s hockey heaven, with games on from 4 p.m. to—god bless triple overtime—the early hours of the morning.
Because it’s the first round, you can rightly expect the most balls-out, violent, and unrelentingly gripping hockey of the year.
And you can also take pity on those who don’t get it.
Sadly, if your husband, wife, kids, or German exchange students don’t watch hockey, they’ll have no idea why you’re not going to the park, the grocery store, movies, or anywhere other than the end of the couch for the next month and a half.
When the NHL playoffs start, everything else—with the possible exception of emergency beer runs—stops.
Weirdly, some people don’t understand the attraction, that most likely including your aforementioned wife or husband, kids, or deservedly neglected German exchange student, Uter.
Those puzzled by what’s going on in the NHL right now likely also include fans of sports where, inexplicably, teams insist on making “FC” part of their name. To, you know, make it clear that Toronto FC is a soccer team as opposed to a ping-pong, shuffleboard, or tiddlywinks club.
Luckily for those curious about why their hockey-obsessed friends have suddenly stopped answering the phone, the NHL has come up with a primer. This will also be of use to those who are sincerely hoping the Carolina Hurricanes will win the Stanley Cup this season, mostly because the team is named after the best drink they had that time in New Orleans.
Watch below as Snoop Dogg himself walks new-to-hockey fans about the intricacies of the Stanley Cup playoffs. The clip is the first installment in a series that'll be running over the course of the playoffs. The final one will, naturally, be a tutorial on how this year's championship team can turn the Stanley Cup into a bong.
By the end of the three-minute video you’ll know that NHL players will resist all urges to touch the cup until they’ve won it. That the name “ass man” was engraved on the cup after the Toronto Maple Leafs won it in 1945. And that, when he’s hanging around the likes of Wayne Gretzky, Snoop answers to DOGG Cherry.
Happy playoffs. And don’t bother calling until June, when, god willing, any team but the Toronto Maple Leafs will hoist the Stanley Cup.