In new memoir, Moby claims he touched Donald Trump with his flaccid dong

    1 of 1 2 of 1

      In this era of #MeToo, no one is letting anyone off the hook for nonconsensual sexual contact.

      Mind you, when the alleged victim is President Donald "Grab 'Em By the Pussy" Trump, many readers will no doubt find it hard to muster much sympathy, especially when said contact was essentially a sophomoric, if well-deserved, prank.

      In his upcoming memoir, Then It Fell Apart (recently excerpted in the Times), Moby recounts the time he was at a party that was also attended by pre-politics Trump, then a real-estate mogul and reality-TV personality. Moby's friend Clarice dared the musician to "knob-touch" Trump. That should be self-explanatory, but Clarice handily defined a knob-touch as "when you take your penis out of your pants at a party and brush it up against someone."

      "Shit," I said, realizing I now had to knob-touch Donald Trump. I drank a shot of vodka to brace myself, pulled my flaccid penis out of my pants, and casually walked past Trump, trying to brush the edge of his jacket with my penis. Luckily he didn't seem to notice or even twitch.

      "Did you do it?" Clarice asked. "I think so. I think I knob-touched Donald Trump."

      It should be noted that Moby no longer drinks, but sobriety hasn't diminished his disdain for Trump.

      Those wags at People reached out to the White House for comment, but haven't had a reply so far.

      Faber & Faber will publish Then It Fell Apart on May 7.