Legless Juggalo involved in accident after using baseball bat to work golf-cart pedals makes the world seem less horrible

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      As, ahem, insane as this might sound, there’s nothing the world needs right now more than Insane Clown Posse.

      For those who can’t go 10 minutes without checking Top Stories on Apple News, the past weekend was a grim one. Much like the previous 35 in 2019.

      Further proving that the planet is becoming a climate-change-doomed hell on earth, Hurricane Dorian wiped out a significant chunk of the Bahamas, including the impossibly idyllic community of Hope Town. Think the Skynet-sparked post-apocalypse scenes in The Terminator, only with the splintered wreckage of ice-cream-coloured houses.

      Even more horrific was this weekend’s This Hour in Mass Shootings news from Texas. Sparking the usual useless offerings of prayers and sympathy from orange-hued idiot Donald Trump, 36-year-old Seth Ator killed seven people and wounded 25 others after being stopped by police for erratic driving. Shooting the police officer first, he then began spraying the street with an automatic weapon, the injured including a 17-month-old girl and the dead including a girl who had just turned 15 and a father of three.

      Proving a surprising voice of reason amidst what’s becoming an endless Groundhog Day of insanity, KISS singer-guitarist Paul Stanley took to Twitter and posted the following: “We don’t have more ‘crazy’ or ‘mentally unstable’ people in the US. What we DO have are commonplace mass shootings with automatic and semi-automatic high powered firearms. THAT cannot be disputed. Tell me what we and our government must do. Prayers and sympathy are not enough.”

      No, they aren’t. Which explains why this time next week it will be the same end result, but in a different town.

      And while we’re talking, even tangentially, about the president who’s making George W. Bush look like the greatest mind since Thomas Jefferson, Trump has renewed his efforts to keep the criminals, rapists, gang members, and all-round bad hombres of Mexico out of America. (That no one can recall a Mexican ever moving stateside and then gunning down his fellow citizens like targets at a shooting range is irrelevant in the world of Trump and the MAGA morons who worship him.)

      Trump has just shifted US$3.6 billion earmarked for U.S. military construction into border-wall projects. You know, the wall that he proclaimed Mexico would start paying for the day that he was elected president. He also spent the weekend “congratulating” Poland for commemorating the 80th anniversary of the country being invaded by Germany on September 1, 1939. (Poland would subsequently lose one-fifth of its population.)

      Announcing that he had a “great message” to mark the day, Trump continued with, “I just want to congratulate Poland. It’s a great country with great people. We also have many Polish people in our country; it could be 8 million. We love our Polish friends.”

      Surreal and tragic as all of the above has been, it’s been leavened by weekend news from the world of Insane Clown Posse. The duo of Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope have been called everything from scarily talentless MCs to modern-day minstrels to—most offensively of all—fundamentalist Christians. What they, and the Juggalos who worship them, also are is an endlessly entertaining diversion from the daily miseries of modern life.

      Recall, if you will, Shaggy 2 Dope reportedly running on-stage at a New Jersey music festival last October and attempting to deliver a flying dropkick to Fred Durst in the middle of a Limp Bizkit cover of George Michael’s “Faith”. That he failed miserably somehow made it funnier.

      Flash back to a 38-year-old hard-core Juggalo storming a Medford, Massachusetts, radio station with an axe in July of 2017 and demanding that said station play the band’s massive non-hit “My Axe”.

      Or, best and most recent of all, a man named Adam Batton launching a lawsuit on August 28 following an incident at the most recent Gathering of the Juggalos blowout.

      Batton showed up at Lawrence County Recreational Park in Indiana for the 20th annual Gathering of the Juggalos after spotting an ad promising music, wrestling, carnival rides, and free camping—all part of “the craziest show on earth” with “controlled chaos”.

      Instead, the curiosity seeker—who isn’t a fan and was looking to shoot a documentary—got a crash course in ICP insanity. Batton alleges that he was riding a motorized bike when he was run over by a golf cart driven by a legless Juggalo named Alexander “Less Legs” Perkins. The lawsuit alleges that Less Legs was operating the golf-cart pedals with a baseball bat.

      It should be noted that—perhaps out of respect for a man who can operate golf-cart pedals with Babe Ruth’s favourite weapon—Batton isn’t suing Perkins, but instead the organizers of the Gathering of the Juggalos, as well as the park that hosted the event.

      Perkins, meanwhile, told TMZ.com that he was “stone-cold sober”, and that Batton actually ran into him.

      Ultimately, who gives a shit who was responsible? Insane Clown Posse—or at least one of their fans—just managed to make us almost forget how horrible the world was this weekend.

      Pass the greasepaint and Faygo. Some good deeds are totally worth celebrating.