We know that Prince Harry; Meghan, Duchess of Sussex; and their wee sprog Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor intend to reside in Canada at least part of the time, but no one is quite sure exactly where. Mind you, the New York Times is sufficiently convinced that the answer is "Victoria" to run a feature article on our province's beloved and sleepy capital city.
What we know for sure is that, by all accounts, the family spent the holidays on Vancouver Island. Mind you, we also know that the former Meghan Markle spent plenty of time in Toronto while she was a cast member of Suits during its first seven seasons. So maybe she has some lingering love for Drake's hometown, as impossible as that might be for us on the West Coast to comprehend.
Perhaps in a bid to distract us from the fact that her own fans are suing her over later-than-advertised concert start times, Madonna has decided to weigh in, via Instagram.
"Don't run off to Canada," the singer advises in a backstage video, presumably captured at the London Palladium. "It's so boring there." She then goes on to suggest the royal couple sublet her Central Park West apartment, boasting that it has "the best view of Manhattan" and an "incredible balcony".
Wait a minute. Back the fuck up. She did not just dismiss the whole of Canada as "boring", did she? Nah, she couldn't have.
Oh yes she did!
Look, we get it. Madge probably still bears a grudge against us because of that time when the cops in Toronto tried to shut down one of her concerts. In May of 1990, Madonna's Blond Ambition World Tour hit Toronto's SkyDome for three shows. At some point, the production crew was visited by the local police, who threatened to arrest the singer for "lewd and indecent display", referring specifically to simulated masturbation during the performance of "Like a Virgin". Apparently someone had been gravely offended by this at the previous night's concert, and the cops were putting pressure on the tour manager to shut the show down. According to Rolling Stone, no charges were laid after the tour's manager told police "Cancel the show, and you'll have to tell 30,000 people why."
The show went ahead unaltered, and the whole thing was immortalized in the documentary Madonna: Truth or Dare—in which, according to Frank Bergen, a Toronto police constable at the time, "We were portrayed as being real knobs, if you will." Which might well be the most Canadian thing ever said.
Watch the offending performance below...if you dare.