Britney Spears makes a Lynch-like Family Day appearance that’s almost too weird for words

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      With another Family Day almost in the books, we can all agree that it’s been something of a bizarre one, starting with the fact that dinner with the family was actually enjoyable for a change. Until, that is, someone stupidly brought up global warming right as dessert was being served.

      In the normally wonderful world of the Vancouver Canucks, the number one team in the NHL somehow managed to let in a whopping seven goals in the third period today, leading to a shocking 10-7 loss to the Minnesota Wild.

      Across the line in America—where, sorry Canadian patriots, politics are always more entertaining—John Oliver not only delivered a beautifully ruthless takedown of the US Supreme Court, but also made his main target Clarence “Coke Can” Thomas. The most shocking part of an extended segment on the Supreme Court Justice who’s never met a lavish free trip he didn’t like was saved for the end.

      Oliver announced that he was prepared to pay the 75-year-old Thomas—who has complained about Supreme Court salaries in the past—a million dollars, per year, of his own money if he’ll simply quit the court. Or, as he put, it to “get the fuck off the Supreme Court,” where he’s worked to make voting more difficult for margenalized Americans, and voted in favour of rolling back abortion rights. 

      That’s right, a million per year for the rest of his life. Bonus: Thomas, a die-hard Winnebago Warrior, will also get a fully tricked out motor home worth over $2 million as part of the offer.

      Famed comedian Elon Musk promptly tweeted that Oliver isn’t funny. Thomas has 30 days to accept the offer to pack up his robe and ride off into the sunset on Oliver’s dime.

      But the craziest thing that this Family Day has given us? That award goes to one-time pop tart queen Britney Spears, who’s evidently on a mission to prove some musicians—Madonna, Vince Neil, and the one original member of Quiet Riot—age gracefully, and, some, well, don’t know when it’s time to exit stage left.

      Britney has given us no shortage of weird moments over the years. There was the impromptu lesson in bald-headed umbrella jousting. And that time she ambled into that grimy gas station shitter in bare feet. And the revelation from her former bodyguard that America’s undisputed Queen of New Millenium Pop has something of a gas problem.

      All that has been trumped today.

      It’s okay if the following leaves you—much like your favourite David Lynch film—utterly unable to fathom what you’ve just seen.

      Is it a smoking endorsement for those who don’t understand that vaping makes them look more foolish than, well, smoking? An advertisement for a good old-fashioned daily Brazilian waxing? A warning to Christina Aguilera that Britney’s about to make a comeback? An ad for a new trailer park development?

      A, ummm, well, okay—alright, enough. Let’s just call it what it is: fascinating in the most disturbing and inexplainable of ways.

      Kind of like most Family Days.

      Watch, with the warning that there are some things you can’t unsee.