Done with COVID-19, Coachella announces you don't have to be vaxxed or wear a facemask to attend this year's festival

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      Depending on how you view the world these days—as an antivaxxer, or as someone still shit-scared of COVID despite being jabbed nine times in four different provinces and one state—it’s either great news or the stupidest thing this side of every person living in Florida.

      Coachella has posted a notice on its website that all COVID precautionary measures have been dropped for this year’s mega-festival, which takes place two consecutive weekends in April. Those attending April 15-17 or April 22-24 won’t have to be vaccinated, undergo testing, wear facemasks, or prove they had the mental bandwidth to pass kindergarten on the first try.

      The same anything-goes guidelines will also apply to the upcoming shitkicker shindig Stagecoach, which takes place April 29 to May 1. Carrie Underwood, Luke Combs, and Thomas Rhett headline that weekend. Top billed at Coachella are Harry Styles, Billie Eilish, and (assuming that Billie Eilish apologizes to Travis Scott) Kanye West.

      Both Stagecoach and the considerably more high-profile Coachella are owned by AEG Presents and promoted by Goldenvoice. And both will take place in Indio, California, where indoor mask mandates for vaccinated people are scheduled to end next week. The unvaxxed (roughly 20 percent of the state’s population) will still have to wear masks in indoor public settings, making wonder what happens when they enter a tent or a portable crapper at Coachella.

      Stagecoach’s announcement was posted on its Twitter account.

      That was promptly greeted with such comments as: "Celebrating the death of a few hundred thousand? You are amazing people". And "Ah, the love of money has no bottom." And "And WE are announcing we're not attending. This is a ridiculous policy. We're still in the middle of a deadly pandemic. Do your part. #MasksSaveLives #VaccinesSaveLives @CDCgov."

      Perhaps wisely given that reaction, Coachella has taken a more low-key approach, announcing the news in the Health & Safety, Rules section of its website.

      Go to and you’ll find this:

      In accordance with local guidelines, there will be no vaccination, testing or masking requirements at Coachella 2022.

      It also warns those planning to attend that COVID-19 might very well kill them if they get it. And that there is no guarantee they won’t be exposed to the virus:

      COVID-19 is an extremely contagious disease that can lead to severe illness and death. There is an inherent and elevated risk of exposure to COVID-19 in any public place or place where people are present.

      And that COVID-19 might fuck you up really badly if you’re of the demographic that wishes the Rolling Stones, the Who, and whoever is still alive from the Beatles were headlining Coachella this year:

      According to the CDC, older adults and people of all ages with serious underlying medical conditions may be at higher risk of death or severe illness from COVID-19.

      Coachella’s website did note that, if local guidelines change between now and April, the admission rules for the festival may also change.

      But as of right now the antivax cabal can celebrate the news that, based on all this, America seems ready to get back to normal before you can say “rest-in-peace Meatloaf.” For the curious, there have been over 15,000 new COVID-19 cases reported in communities around Indio in the past week.

      As for those who are frantically counting down the days until jab 10,  it’s perhaps time for them to rethink their approach to the pandemic if they’re Coachella-bound. If 75-year-old subhuman Donald Trump and 73-year-old mega-subhuman Ted Nugent both got COVID-19 and survived, what’s the worst that could happen to a fully vaxxed person at Coachella? Besides, that is, Kanye West not showing up because Billie Eilish refused to apologize to Travis Scott.