In what will no doubt come as horrifying news to Kim Kardashian, his various children, on-site housekeepers, and proudly atheist neighbours, Kanye West has announced that he’ll be turning all of his homes into churches.
And by churches, we’re not talking opulent worship-palaces like the Vatican, Notre-Dame Cathedral, and Basílica de la Sagrada Família. Instead, think the kind of always-welcoming sanctuaries where the common rabble lines up for free food, drink, and shelter.
The rapper, designer, and occasional aspiring politician made the proclamation in an interview with the magazine 032c.
“I’m going to be homeless in a year,” West promised. “I’m going to turn all the homes I own into churches. We’re making this orphanage, and it will be a place where anyone can go. It should be like an artist commune. Food should always be available.”
Monopoly fans and embittered window shoppers will be curious to hear that, along with soon-to-be-ex-wife Kim Kardashian, West has homes across the United States, including a sprawling mansion in California, two ranches in Wyoming, a place in his hometown of Chicago, and a massive condo in Miami.
In addition to churches and orphanages, some of those homes will be converted into artist sanctuaries.
“We are under capitalist rule, and it’s killing us,” West opined. “It’s time to change that.”
This isn’t the first time the 44-year-old has come up with an idea that some might charitably describe as “out there”. Don’t forget past endeavors like his proposed line of leather jogging gear. And also Donda.
Still, at least West is trying to do some good, which is more than Travis Scott can say for himself. Earlier this month he threw his considerable financial weight behind various charities and organizations committed to ending homelessness in Los Angeles. As part of his support, he pledged to have his various enterprises work on providing jobs, education, and housing for those living on the streets.
Rather than just paying lip service and making promises, the rapper then funded 1,000 meals via LA Mission, a group that’s committed to ending homelessness and poverty by “stabilizing people in a safe and spiritual environment, connecting them to solutions and walking with them on their journey.”
Noble? Yes. Which of course isn’t going to stop heathens in the 1 percent down south from feeling panic-stricken if West happens to be their next door neighbour.
Praise Jesus. And now get off the manicured lawn please, making sure to take your crosses, bibles, magic markers, and Banksy-brand spray cans with you.