Argue all you want that it’s not true, but the stone cold reality is that, unless the utterly terrifying Pierre Poilievre somehow becomes Prime Minister, America is always going to be more interesting than Canada.
Honestly, can you imagine the Arcade Fire, Michael Bublé, or Nickelback waking up in the morning and saying to themselves “Holy fucking shit-this country is such a hell-in-a-handcart mess that I better instruct my fans to get theirs asses to the polling station the next election. Because this whole goddamn place is about to blow.”
Boring might be nice, safe, and better for one’s mental health, but that doesn’t make us, well, any less boring.
Across the line, meanwhile, for all the great things—Marlboro Lights, Walter White, Disneyland, Aubrey Plaza, and totally goddamn adorable Miller High Life ponies—there’s also a dark underbelly.
That includes mass shootings that seem to happen on a weekly basis. New restrictions on abortion that seem ripped right from the pages of The Handmaid’s Tale. Apple pie topped by slices of processed cheddar cheese. And a culture where ketchup on a hot dog is somehow deemed acceptable.
So it’s no surprise then that one of the greatest teen stars in the history of American pop music has decided that someone has to do something to stop the insanity.
With the U.S. midterm elections on the horizon, mega-platinum mope-pop queen Billie Eilish is telling her millions and millions of fans that they need to get busy at the voting booth.
This November will see Republicans and Democrats battling for control of Congress’ House of Representatives and Senate. That will shape the way the country moves on both gun control and abortion in the years to come.
To ensure that fans get the message about showing up at the polling booth being important, Eilish has teamed up with the nonprofit voter registration organization HeadCount.
“I’m working with HeadCount to encourage everyone to show up at the polls and use their voice during these midterm elections,” the 20-year-old said in a statement. “With what is going on in our country, we need to get out to the polls and vote for what we believe in. Not showing up is not an option.”
Beside making America a better place, there are additional reasons for the TikTok generation to get involved in shaping American democracy. Fans who use HeadCount to check in on their registration will win the chance to see Eilish perform in New Zealand and Australia later this year.
In addition to presumably-not-in-economy plane fare, winners will receive two premium tickets, accommodations, and signed merchandise from the star.
There’s no denying that Australia and New Zealand have more in common with Canada than the country Eilish calls home.
In New Zealand, Lorde, Crowded House, and Kimbra have never rolled out of bed, checked “trending” on Twitter, and then said to themselves, “What in the flying feck is wrong with this county?”.
In Australia, meanwhile, you don’t see Kylie Minoque, Silverchair, and Kevin Parker waking up and going “Crikey, as much as I’m flat out like a lizard drinking, there’s no denying that the mates running this country are a few roos loose in the top paddock. Time to do something about it. G’day mate, and throw another shrimp on the barbie. Also, let's hear it for the map of Tassie.”
Boring, yes. Sometimes that’s not a bad thing, even if it means not being able to get one’s hands on Lay’s Limón flavored potato chips, two-pound $10 blocks of Tillamook Monterey cheese, and Miller High Life ponies that couldn’t be more perfect for your kids’ lunch boxes.
God bless Canada. Now wake the fuck up, because, difficult as this might be to believe, there’s a very real chance Pierre Poilievre might one day end up running this country. And while Avril Lavigne will be, the reality is that Billie Eilish won’t be here to help you.