As horrible as the past 14 months have been for almost everyone living on this planet, it’s good to know that there’s still something known as karmic justice. And today, that karmic justice comes in the form of news that Ted Nugent has COVID-19.
First off, let’s make something clear: no one (with the possible exception of people like Nugent) wishes truly bad things on their fellow human beings. The reason for that starts with the fact that it’s bad for your karma. If we all treated as we wished to be treated, the world would indeed be a more beautiful place.
Now, back to Ted Nugent. The proudly right-wing hard-rock has-been, unrepentant animal killer, and generally intolerant asshole has never been shy about making his opinions known.
In the Nuge’s world you’re weak and worthless if you drink or do drugs. If you don’t support the right of anyone with a birth certificate to own automatic assault weapons. If you don’t enjoy the thrill of shooting the shit out of African lions, North American black bears, and migrants who cross the border illegally while carrying weapons.
And one of the things Nugent has been most unable to shut his horrid meat-eating trap about over the past 14 months has been COVID-19.
He's called the virus a “scam”, and spent last Christmas season railing against shutdowns, vaccines, reported pandemic death counts, and mandatory mask wearing.
Recall his December 2020 Facebook livestream where he babbled things like “The mask. Really? The mask. And the mask contains your breath when and how? A vaccine that was authorized in four months compared to every other vaccine that took years of adequate testing. Have you seen what’s in it?”
This past April, meanwhile, had Nugent making a truly astonishing case that he failed every science course he ever took in high school. That’s when he argued that COVID-19 wasn’t real with, “Why weren’t we shut down for COVID one through 18?” (The virus, which has killed over 3 million people worldwide to date, was of course named after the year the first infection was reported.)
But back to where the Nuge finds himself today. In a Facebook live video that went up Monday, one of rock ’n’ roll’s most horrible people this side of Chuck Berry (Google Chuck Berry farts on a hooker) admitted that he’d caught COVID-19.
“I thought I was dying,” Nugent says in the post. “I literally could hardly crawl out of bed the last few days.”
Lowlights include his talking about how the “Chinese virus attack ’21” has given him the “Chinese shit”. And Nugent being legitimately puzzled by what good it does him to know he has COVID-19 when nothing can be done for him after the positive diagnosis. (Um, just a thought, but maybe the news your clowndom has made you sick might stop you from giving that which does not exist in your narrow world to your local grocery store clerk, gas station attendent, or weapons dealer.)
Nugent also at one point in the video hacks up a lung and hawks a loogie onto the ground. Followed by another loogie. And another one, which is followed by more coughing, an announcement that the My Pillow asswipe is the greatest American this side of Donald Trump Jr., and then the too-much-information revelation that he’s about to take a piss off the side of his deck.
Nugent also announced that he wasn’t getting the vaccine, partly because he doesn't know what’s really in it. Which, one supposes, means that the gate is once again wide open for karma to do its beautiful thing.