Victoria cyclist gets even with driver by detonating bowels into hand and turning senior's car into instant shitmobile

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      It's generally accepted that half the cyclists in Vancouver are truly horrible people, running stop signs and red lights, blowing through occupied pedestrian crosswalks on the False Creek Seawall, and generally acting like the road belongs to them even though they can't seem to get above 17 kmh on stretches of road where the speed limit is 50.

      (And before you get all sanctimoniously outraged, I cycle to work except when it's raining buckets; one's dedication to saving the planet only goes so far. As a second side note, when driving, I spend most of the commute cursing the number of idiots who don't know how to make a left hand turn on Clark, who don't understand that the small stick on the steering wheel is a turn signal, and who don't seem able to get above 37 kmh on stretches of road where the speed limit is 50).

      As detestable as most Vancouver cyclists are, we've got nothing on the free-wheeling asswipes of Victoria. 

      Making the rounds on Reddit this afternoon is one particularly enraged One Less Car cretin who by all accounts was angered by an encounter with a driver who cut him off. Or opened a car door without checking. Or was given priority access at a Burger King drive-thru because she had four wheels instead of two. 

      Speaking of number two, evidently of the opinion that revenge is a dish served piping hot with a DQ swirl, the cyclist gets even by pulling down his pants, shitting into his hand, and then whipping it the car. And no, he doesn't wipe, but instead--after seemingly breaking the turning light of said car--promptly gets on his bike and merrily peddles away. 

      That is of course bad form. Never mind that a true showman would have jumped on the hood of the car, pretended to strain at stool for two or three minutes, and then backed up and tiger-streaked the windshield. When, earlier this year a woman pulled down her pants and docked the chocolate freighter on the floor of a Tim Horton's, she at least had the decency to wipe up

      Because the video--thankfully--hasn't made its way onto YouTube or Vimeo yet, you'll have to watch it here

      In fairness, the guy is receiving some accolades for blowing mud  in a fashion that suggests he doesn't need three cups of black coffee, six bowls of Raisin Bran, and 45 minutes with the New York Times to take care of business in the morning.