There are many things one might do to make this Family Day the best one ever.
Go for a walk around a Stanley Park seawall so crowded, it looks like Tokyo's Shibuya subway station at rush hour.
Line up for a couple of hours in the hope of getting a table at East Van's tiny but excellent Bun Cha Ca Hoang Yen. (Don't forget to bring cash, or you'll be hoofing it to the ATM at Vancity two seconds after the bill arrives).
Knocking back six or seven mai tais, which quite frankly is the only thing that's got us through the hell of past Family Days. Luckily, today is the only day this side of Christmas when no one will judge you for being gooned by noon.
This morning, the hockey gods have given us a special one-time present—one that has already made this a Family Day for the ages.
So rather than nagging everyone to get outdoors, gather your spouse, kids, and cat around the iMac, the iPhone, or the Commodore64. And then enjoy the most beautiful thing that you will see all year. And, until someone takes a certain professional rat's head off, this decade.
Those who think that violence has no place in hockey will be quick to condemn what happens to Boston Bruin Brad Marchand below as yet another stain on the game. Like Brad Marchand getting kneed in the head by James Neal. Which was fantastic.
For the rest of us, in 0.3 seconds one of the worst post-scrum rats in the history of the NHL finally gets exactly what he fucking deserves. If only Kevin Bieksa had meted out such beautiful and vicious punishment when the Boston Bruins forward was punching Daniel Sedin in the head during the 2011 Stanley Cup final. In a blinding instant, every face-lick and after-the-whistle poke, jab, and punch is met with a textbook example of the majesty of karma.
Happy Family Day. And thank you, God, for sending Marchand's helmet flying when he's pile-driven from behind by New York Ranger Pavel Buchnevich. And yes, it's all about the headgear going airborne—sometimes it's the little things that make a good thing completely goddamn great.
And even better, perhaps because Clueless Kelly Sutherland was nowhere to be found on the ice, guess who got the lone two-minute penalty?
Outraged because Marchand could have been hurt? Watch this, and then go watch the above again. What goes around comes around, if you wait long enough and the stars align.
Remember, if you are enjoying more than you might ever have dreamed on this most blessed of Hallmark holidays, you aren't alone.