Taylor Swift humps and dumps Harry Styles
Assuming you’ve taken steps to take care of that restraining order, there’s some good news this morning: Taylor Swift is back on the market.
The cat-eyed platinum princess has reportedly broken up with her latest conquest, Harry Styles of crap-pop boy band One Direction.
Word is that the two had a massive scrap while celebrating the first days of 2013 on Virgin Gorda. (For those who flunked Geography 9, Virgin Gorda is the third-largest of the Virgin Islands, and not that one unfortunate member of One Direction who can’t seem to get laid no matter how hard he tries.)
Swift celebrated her newfound singledom with the somewhat cryptic Tweet “. . . ’til you put me down.”
Styles, meanwhile, joined John Mayer, Jake Gyllenhaal, Conor Kennedy, and Patrick Schwarzenegger on the list of high-profile celebrities that America’s still undeniably adorable sweetheart has humped the living fucking shit out of and then kicked to the curb.