Van Halen ignores history, announces "50, 60 shows" in Europe

Hey everyone, Van Halen’s touring again!

Apparently unaware of the irony of his statements in light of the debacle that was their last tour, David Lee Roth announced on an American radio show yesterday that Van Halen will be rocking across Europe for “50, 60 shows” starting at the end of the year.

Seems a bit ambitious considering only last year the geriatric band postponed then cancelled more than 30 long-held tour dates. After a tour insider told media that the band was “arguing like mad” and that they “hate each other,” Roth went online in this creepy video, stressing vehemently “the band is getting along famously,”(he stressed the ‘famously’) “better than we have in quite some time.”

He went on to say “we bit off way more than we could chew when it came to scheduling… our schedule has been sidelined for unnecessary roughness.”

Do they have amnesia? Are they really that starved for the adoration of thousands of equally aged fans that they need to kick at the cash cow one more time?

Not to mention that when Roth did manage to hobble on stage last year, his performances were piss-poor.

He should have learned by now that the shiniest of all the shiny pants in the world can’t bring back his days of scissor-kicking glory. Although, if they can dazzle 70,000 European fans into thinking that they’re getting their money’s worth, power to him, I guess.    

They haven’t shown their wrinkly, weathered faces there since 1998, when they hit Finland and Germany with then replacement singer Gary Cherone of Extreme. So the fans will be aching for a dose of Diamond Dave, although I’m afraid the dose will be bitter, sad, and disappointing, as the brittle bones of aging memories are dashed against the stone of cruel, cruel time.