Dutch rocker's testicle explodes onstage—allegedly

According to the grand unified newsfield that we call "the Internet", musician Otto Schimmelpenninck of symphonic metal band Delain suffered a ruptured testicle when he was hit from behind by a rocket streamer during a performance at Birmingham's O2 Academy last week. 

We assume from the word "rupture" that Schimmelpenninck's bollock actually exited the sac but remained tethered to the taint, otherwise it would have escaped down his pant leg and rolled off the stage. But the bassist's Facebook account of the accident sadly doesn't make this clear. 

Schimmelpenninck writes: "... my scrotum was the size of a big grapefruit and I was in a lot (yeah, really a lot) of pain. I was taken to the nearest hospital where after hours and hours of waiting, I was finally operated around 8:30 in the morning. It appeared here my left testicle had been ruptured as well as some arteries. More than 500 ml of blood was removed from my scrotum and my testicle stitched up."

The Georgia Straight's video forensics department has viewed the YouTube clip provided below and has failed to find any evidence of streamer-to-scrotum mischief, said to happen at the 3:30 mark. More disturbingly, we have noticed that Schimmelpenninck plays a five-string bass and jumps up and down onstage like a complete tit, thereby raising grave doubts that he ever had any balls to begin with. 

But we digress: Schimmelpenninck goes on to thank the billions of folk that have made this stupid story bigger than the last stupid story we were all transfixed by (yesterday), and who are we to be all assholish about that? Good luck with your left nad, Otto!