Starring Leo Fafard, Amy Matysio, and Jonathan Cherry. Rated 14A.

WolfCop looks like it could have been a hoot to make, because judging by the finished product, nobody involved—from the director on down to the FX lackey spattering fake blood around—seemed to give a rat’s ass about how the Canadian horror-comedy turned out. It’s got the look and feel of a cheapjack college film, but with dialogue from somebody’s kid brother in Grade 8.

Michael Richards look-alike Leo Fafard stars as Lou Garou (almost French for werewolf), an alcoholic cop who patrols a crime-ridden town of freaks and lowlifes called Woodhaven. (It’s actually Regina and Moose Jaw.) One night Lou enters the woods to investigate a noise complaint and wakes up with a pentagram carved into his chest and a 5 o’clock shadow that’s even more pronounced than the one he had before. His senses are also heightened because, you know, he’s part wolf now, so that comes in handy when he’s sniffing around murder scenes.

The plot involves a coven of ancient shape shifters who sacrifice werewolves to continue their existence through the ages, but writer-director Lowell Dean diverts attention from that hokey premise with gruesome scenes of arms torn off, faces removed, and an eyeball skewered on a switchblade. He deserves some credit for taking a retro stance with the over-the-top werewolf-transformation scenes, I suppose, using practical effects instead of the standard CGI.

I wouldn’t give him credit for much else, though.

The only commendable acting in WolfCop comes from Aidan Devine, who plays the hard-nosed police chief. He starred in that effective 2005 horror-thriller The Dark Hours, so should have known better than to get mixed up with this painfully… Oh my God—what’s this? Please don’t tell me they’re using Gowan’s “Moonlight Desires” as the soundtrack for the jailhouse sex scene.

Noooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!