Starring Chris Hemsworth and Tang Wei. Rated 14A. Now playing

When sitting down to watch a movie about hackers, there’s a few things that I worry about.

First, that they’re going to tell me that the Internet allows nerds to destroy us. Why would I want to hear that? It’s like finding out that smoking causes cancer. When I see a movie, I just want to worry about whether the galaxy can actually be saved by a raccoon and a tree.

Secondly, I fear that the director will show me a curiously buff hacker (like Angelina Jolie in Hackers, Hugh Jackman in Swordfish), which implies that it is possible to learn machine language and perform sit-ups at the same time. This is a message that hurts the viewer’s self-esteem.

Thirdly, I resent the attempts of directors to make data entry look exciting. Typing noisily while frowning at a screen and then saying, “We’re in” while the nontechnical characters sigh with tension? Not an action beat. 

Dismayingly, Blackhat ticks off all of these boxes, but does add some exotica in the form of its largely Chinese setting and cast, including Wang Leehom and Tang Wei from Lust, Caution. Here they play a Chinese security officer and his sister, who need to enlist jailed American uber-hacker Hathaway (Chris Hemsworth) to catch an evil online entity.

As none of them have personalities beyond their story functions, the movie is minimally engaging on an emotional level. Blackhat is mainly for Michael Mann completists intrigued by his devotion to shooting on video, apparently now using consumer-grade handhelds to capture Hong Kong locations under natural light.