News for Youse: Harsh justice for Vancouver billionaire who confined hooker

How did we miss this? You might recall from an earlier News for Youse that Iranian toymakers had produced a model version of the US spy drone that was shot down over Iran in December. As if that wasn’t cheeky enough, this video here shows that they actually sent a hot pink version of the mini RQ-170 Sentinel to Obama.

That’s some admirably creative provocation, and from such a handsome Iranian toymaker! U.S authorities responded by rushing the Persian Scorched Earth and Depleted Uranium Hot Wheels Battle Set into production.

The Jason Kenney fake citizenship pageant is another story that won’t die. News for Youse must confess that we were amazed to see how much this thing had blown up when we finally emerged from a pot coma this morning surrounded by Que Paso tortilla chips and three empty tubs of Southwestern Style Chipotle Cheddar dip.

But there it is: an entire nation outraged at how the Sun News Network and the Immigration ministry conspired to pose civilian servants as “new Canadians” so they could go ahead with some ridiculous in-studio reaffirmation ceremony last October.

You know, countries have marched to war over faker news, so it seems a little odd that we’d get this upset over a game of dress-up involving six federal bureaucrats —which is roughly the same number of people who actually bothered to tune in to this fiasco in the first place, incidentally.

On air host Pat Bolland apologized on behalf of all parties yesterday, remarking, “It would seem that both of us have a little egg on our face." Sure. That’s not egg on Jason Kenney’s face, by the way, but moving on…

Here at home, they threw the book yesterday at a billionaire who forcibly confined a prostitute after a crack binge, breaking her ankle in the process, and who was found with an unlicensed Glock when cops showed up at his Vancouver mansion in December, 2008.

David Ho—whose fortune was built on tobacco, a Pepsi bottling plant, and a luxury car dealership— was sentenced to a whopping one year probation and a $5000 fine by Vancouver Provincial Court. That’ll show him.

Ho’s previous brushes with the law reportedly include being stopped with a car full of hookers and some cocaine and inadvertently smuggling a switchblade through YVR. But you could hardly call any of that criminal. It’s not like he’s sitting his homeless ass in a cardboard box blocking somebody’s doorway in Gastown, or anything. Have a little compassion.

Argh, the world’s a sewer. No cat videos today, but let’s watch Joan Rivers and her crazy fucked up face hauling off on a bong instead. The last time Rivers got this baked, Billy Crystal ended up pregnant.