This is not a confession for the frigid or square.. Not that it's s&m either but.. Just thought I'd warn you. Now I have soo many opportunities and open doors for finding a relationship and for finding sex. I have everything going for me. I'm not in debt and I live just fine and comfortably. I'm what society happens to think is gorgeous I guess with a body that I treat well by actually eating and going to the gym even though I've been blessed a naturally high metabolism. I'm a generally upbeat gal with energy to spend and who believes in trying to do what's right even when it isn't easy. I want to adore a man to bits and peaces.. But being mid 20s and healthy gives me a sex drive that I don't want as a single woman. Now I keep getting into situation that ask me to choose between all the things that I want to do. And friends who say that I need to listen to these situations because that's how it is.. there's no 'all in one' guy. I find boys who are nice and good but they're vanilla and if my sex drive comes out, they're a little scared away because that's not the kinda girl they want.. they want a nice girl even though enjoying sex more doesn't mean I'm not the nice girl they were already getting to know. How does that take away from all the good they were seeing in me while we were getting to know eachother.. so with these type I'm supposed to stay vanilla and be in boring plain missionary and be frusterated sexually. It's like a tease really because sometimes I want more. Sometimes I want someone with there mouth downtown sucking on my clit or licking my damn butt. Sometimes I want a guy who can't get it in deep enough and can't get it thrusting fast enough regardless of what position we find ourselves in. Sometimes I want a guy who's like, "vibrating butt plug? I already had it in my hand ready to go." Sometimes I want a guy who can be open about what gets him off the best kind of way because that makes me happy too. Now there's a lot of guys that fit into this category as well... the only problem is is that the enthusiasm for making it work doesn't leave the bedroom. They guard their hearts soo much. So there's the sweet good guy that's all about who we are as people but is maybe timid sexually and then we've got the more rugged guy who needs the physical outlet as much as me but is maybe timid with opening up to who we are as people.. In my years of dating, there is another type. The third guy that's like, "WHOOAAA! YES PLEASE! I WILL TRY IT ALL!" Which I guess is the best possible scenario but they're never the ones that I find the most attractive or want the most and I have tried it but after the rose tinted glasses are off, no matter how good it was, it's like they sense how I felt at the beginning and it suddenly matters now that we've made it and things are good. They get jealous and make excuses to fight and get all dramatic with things and all around just end up being an on and off handful. I suck with this too. I do not have the patience! After soo many times or after they cross a line, I'm done and it sucks. It hurts a lot because I'd been giving it an actual try and I don't know why all the toxicity had to come into the picture? To make it more interesting? It's odd because I'd been trying to make the other two groups of guys more interesting.. but I also want a good relationship :-S. If there is no 'all in one' guy that wants what I want that I'm actually attracted to to some degree, then whyyyyy do I want these things and want to contribute these things? It would be closed minded I think to think I'm the only one. Where's my cute no inhibitions man who lets me be the woman in the relationship?! I'm waiting for you! How deep is your love? No amount of getting off should get in the way of sweet tender care emotionally. No in for just you, no 50/50! 100/100! I am the 100% give it my all. I don't want another person sabotaging us just to pine away with calls and txts forever afterwards. Like me when I'm there because that's where I'll like you <3 I don't want to chose. I want it all. Don't be that guy chasing the vanilla girl, marry her, then have affairs because she's too vanilla :'-D Don't be that playboy who complains about how there's no love :'-D And don't be that guy that wrecks what he has by being destructive over just communicating and working through the difficulties the best that he can :'-D Please don't! Take it from me. I'm a hot babe, a nerd, and sweet heart all in one. I've done a lot of work to get myself here and now by accident I'm the girl that everyone says they want but can't have. I'm not perfect, but I'm about as perfect as perfect gets so take my advice and try to be as perfect as perfect gets too because you live once and I think I'm going to be pissed if I'm old before anyone gives me what I want.