I'm pretty sure this will get a bunch of thumbs down and make me feel even worse about it because people tend to think people who do drugs are low lifes and worthless but I haven't told anyone that I know personally because they would probably cut ties with me. I'm making this confession just to put it out there because I have to tell someone. I smoked heroin yesterday for the first time. I don't know why I did it. I always said I never would touch it and I broke that promise to myself. I didn't want to have to do it but I ended up talking myself to the hospital because I was having really bad chest pains and my breathing was all messed up. I was extremely clammy and confused. I'm pretty sure I was close to overdosing. I can't believe I did this.. I don't know what came over me but the thing is I didn't even like the high. It made me feel like a lost soul floating through space I was completely disconnected from the world and it scared me. The trip to the hospital was embarrassing. My heart rate was pretty bad they had to give me medication to slow it down. Some of the nurses treated me poorly and gave dirty looks because ... well, druggie. I felt so bad sitting there as an old lady was being rolled by and she looked lifeless I thought.. that's the person who is supposed to be getting attention not me, just some idiot that made a shitty decision. Wasting peoples time at the hospital because I wanted to smoke some heroin. When I woke up this morning I thought it was all a bad dream for a minute until I saw the cotton ball taped to my arm from where they drew blood and remembered it was all real. I swear to God I will never touch heroin ever again. Roll your eyes if you don't believe me but I know what happened opened my eyes. I could have easily died and the people in that house didn't care at all. They probably would have tried to get rid of me if I overdosed to make sure they didn't get in trouble from the police or something. I'm cutting all ties with them and going to go to a narcotics anonymous meeting tomorrow with a friend who convinced me that I need to change. I also struggle with alcoholism and I'm tired of living like this. I really am ready for a change and hope I can do this. I don't want to die and really don't want to put my family through something like that. They don't deserve it.