Thoughts about the past

posted April 7th, 2024 at 2:25 PM

Yesterday, I thought about someone I was once very much interested in. He misses me. He dreams of having me back. It's odd to be that person, the one who "got away" that they regret losing. They revealed to be selfish & awful, giving mixed signals unnecessarily. They showed interest a lot, but then got unpleasant when the interest was reciprocated. They weren't single, either. I shouldn't have made excuses for them in the quest to be empathetic. I believe in being straight forward: if you're unhappy in your current relationship, then you talk about it to either make it work or you end it, not look for what you're missing in someone else while keeping the relationship going. If you're interested in someone, own it, admit it, show it. I don't see the joy or value in social game playing. It doesn't do anyone any favors. It only caused heartache in this case. For what, to kill boredom? They were bored so they invited/lured/seduced/charmed someone else into their life & wasted their time to make up for poor life choices because they lacked self-awareness or honesty? Now, years later, I'm glad I chose to walk away from them. In the end, I realized how I deserved better. I am single & I'm much happier. I think we teach some pretty crappy values & behaviours in society. I fail to see the value of getting involved with people intimately when dysfunction & complications are the norm. We have taught, encouraged, reinforced, & rewarded the wrong behaviours & I choose to stop supporting these & the people who feed that kind of life. I can excuse this from someone really young due to inexperience, not from a middle-aged educated professional with the knowledge of the world to encourage self-development a mere Google search or a click away. Distance does not make problems go away. Instead it allows the hurt to grow stronger. It makes the people we do wrong by go away. I don't want him or anyone like him ever. He blew it, especially by playing games and through inaction. I learned my worth by knowing boundaries that I learned to maintain. As I said: I am single & I'm much happier so I thank him for the experience as I thank him for doing all he did to spare me from being with him. I am very fortunate, indeed.

3 Comments

the best part of this confession

Apr 8, 2024 at 9:47am

was when you wrote your single and happy. being single isn't that bad, in fact it's pretty alright if you do it self love and compassion.

regret

Apr 8, 2024 at 11:13pm

I'm the other side of this. A long time ago I found myself in a long term, long distance relationship. I was young, it was my first relationship and I had moved on my own to Vancouver and felt very alone. I met someone I thought was interesting, and enjoyed her time for company until one day I realized I cared about her. In attempting to be a good boyfriend I dealt with it poorly, pushing her away until I made the mistake of opening up about how I felt. That was a terrible idea. Letting the cat out of the bag was huge mistake. It just made things real and escalated the intensity of my feelings. Anyway, in the end nothing worked out. Both women were upset. The woman I developed feelings for moved forward and made a whole life. I guess you are lucky to think of your person only yesterday. I still think about her every day.

Simplistic

Apr 9, 2024 at 12:21am

Life’s not always so simple, especially when it comes to relationships. If someone is actively pursuing someone while they’re in a relationship with someone else, I agree that they shouldn’t do that. But I’ve been in a situation where I was in a bad relationship at the time, and the other person very aggressively pursued me. They did that knowing that I was vulnerable, and that’s exactly what they exploited to try to persuade me. People can have mixed feelings and not know exactly what they want, and if another person is the one doing the luring it can be hard to know what to do. In my case I ended my relationship as well as the “flirtationship” with the other person, because neither was what I wanted or needed. At another time there was someone I was really interested in and I was single. He was very flirtatious with me and made me believe that he was also interested, so I let him know that I would like to go out with him. I then learned that he was married, and i immediately shut down all communication. I’ve done the same when I’ve been pursued by someone who I knew was seeing someone else. What I’m getting at is that if you knew that this guy was already in a relationship with someone else, then you need to take accountability for your own part in allowing it to happen at all.

So while it’s nice to think that situations are black or white, usually they’re a lot more grey.