If you love your boyfriend, then I suggest you stay silent and bare down. Someone who is as terrible a friend as you say, will eventually reveal her flaws. You complaining only makes you look jealous and unreasonable.

So... she can confide in him..and he listens. But when you confide in him,.. he blows you off? There is so much to say....but I think the bigger issue is his lack of respect for you, and the lack of intimacy you share with him. I really hate to say this but it sounds to me like he IS choosing her needs over yours. And he has, time and again. I think the way he's been treating you, from what I've read, IS a deal-breaker. It's not that his friend is female...... you just deserve to have a higher level of intimacy in your relationship. It sounds so cold to me. I would leave if I were you.. you would be so much better off.... think about it... when was the last time he made you feel special or loved? It's not his female friend that's the issue, (although...) it's the way he disregards you time and again. You deserve so much better. Really think about it!! Good luck.. and do what's best for you. by the way if you do decide to live your own life, make a fresh start and move on... (don't ever let him think it's because of her - ever...)

I understand your point of view, about sounding jealous etc; but the issue still remains that he is disregarding her feelings, dismissing her to talk about this issue with someone else instead of discussing it with him. That's the deal-breaker. Where's the intimacy in that relationship? Even if he does 'break-up' with his female friend.. his current girlfriend deserves better than that NOW.. not later on..at some point... She just doesn't need to be a part of all that.

I think it's unfair that he works with her all week and hangs out with her on weekends too. If I were in your shoes I would pull-back too, esp. if I didn't get along with this chick friend of his. It sounds like your BF doesn't want to compromise anything for you in the way of his friendship, maybe because he works with her and has to see her everyday and doesn't want to rock the boat? He is taking you for granted, this is only going to make you secretly resentful---watch out---things could end badly....

I would be cautious as well. I was in a very similar situation and eventually the friendship turned into cheating. I'm not saying that will happen with you, but given that she is being emotional with him, mentioning her sex life with the other guy, and basically treating him like a secondary boyfriend (and he is willing to accommodate her), suggests that there is more than friendship simmering below the surface.

Your boyfriend doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend differently from a female friend...perhaps he hasn't had very many intimate relationships? Maybe he is used to just being a friend to everyone and not thinking about loyalties or intimacy. He's on a slippery slope. The fact that he thinks it's your job to talk to his female friend is just nuts. If he's more interested in preserving his coworker friendships then he is your relationship you might as well find a lover to provide you with intimacy and keep him as a friend.

Thank you for all your thoughtful insight, really. This is a tricky situation, I love him like crazy but I am worried that if I keep quiet and hold onto all my frustrations I am going to act out. Even just writing this confession has been helpful. I think he might just need to find a coworker to date- me not being inside HIS incestuous cliquey industry is constantly driving a wedge between us. He is friends with his coworkers, he works with his coworkers (especially over-time), he hangs out with his coworkers and he expects me to do the bluddy same thing. This just isn't going to work.

I agree with most of the people posting on your confession and I highly agree with your last statement. It's true what they say: "you don't realize what you have until it's gone" ...your boyfriend needs to realize that. And whether he comes to his senses or not in regards to putting YOU, his own girlfriend first, you'll know that you made the right decision to let go. It's completely not fair to you and something you should take matters into your own hands to make yourself happy if he's not helping out the situation in anyway. Good luck xoxo

As they see each other all day at work, and socially on weekends, it seems to me that your 'boyfriend' and this other women have a side thing going. Probably shagging. That's not that important though, the thing to do is a gut check and to consider if you are living the life you want. Being single is ok you know. It's a lot simpler.

your bf is not treating you the way you want to be treated. he dismisses and diminishes everything about you and his close . if you believe you deserve this treatment stay in the relationship and know it will never change. this is how your man is and he likes the way his life is set up with this other girl. you cannot change another person--you can only change yourself. if you believe you are worth more DTMFA and make yourself available for the right guy for you. Peace + Love.