During the pandemic I've enjoyed walking around the city. Sometimes I'll enjoy a snack or drink and when done will throw the waste in the garbage. It's become such an obsession that if I finish in the middle of a bridge. I'll hold onto an empty cup or wrapper until I crossover and find a garbage can. Sometimes I may even jaywalk just to get to the waste disposal container. My preference to have a concentrated landfill over garbage spread all across the city is becoming unpopular

Maybe 3 springs ago I was walking past a tree. I heard some shuffling or something. Baked, I tried looking for the bird or squirrel making the noise. Couldn't find them. It hit me, it was animals, it was the pine cones "popping". The literal birth of spring time in it's truest form. My advice this spring is the old cliche "stop to smell the roses". Stop to listen to the water(not just film it and post it to IG or something). Smell the fresh morning air. Watch the sun break as it rises of the Golden Ears. Learn a new constellation and try to find it.

I have much respect for these amazing athletes but it feels repetitive going into another week. I know I could just watch other channels but I miss my drama shows. They were the main thing to look forward to after working all day. Just feels like more waiting . Covid's been enough experience in waiting.

All my life I've been a social drinker, since I was a child actually. I've recently realized that I socialize a lot, and over the years drink I've drank a ton of booze, I'm quite surprised I'm even still alive. I all of a sudden have zero interest in drinking, but I have no idea what people who don't drink socially do. Do they get together and have tea? Walks in the park, church? Nothing sounds very interesting. What do you do when you decide to not drink anymore, how is social time fun?

Usually I find a thick blanket of algae, drinking straws, plastic bags and lighters. Sometimes I play the guess which country this trash came from game. Once I found a sea pen. I couldn't figure out what it was for awhile. I like how the ocean gifts things that are a bit ambiguous. Is that plastic or part of a cuttlefish? Sometimes it's hard to tell, especially all covered in barnacles. The first time I came across washed up jellyfish I thought there must have been an accident at an implant clinic. I've come across horseshoe crabs, 480 million year old relics flipped on their backs and helpless. I flip them and they beeline right back to the water. I keep looking for a bottle with a message inside. It hasn't happened yet, but I come back almost nightly because from time to time I get surprised at something new.

I'm a single mom of a disabled child. My house is so messy. I'm depressed and too embarrassed to ask for help. I wish I knew other moms who struggled with this but I don't. I feel judged by anyone I do tell. It's like they don't understand how it's so hard to just rinse a dish when I'm done with it instead of letting them pile up. I wish there was a service specifically for single mothers where they make it a priority to have non judgemental employees who will help with whatever you need and just be kind. Half the reason I don't call around is because I don't trust a stranger (hardly trust people I know) to not call CPS on me or something over a messy home. I know that is a bit of an irrational fear but It's not something I'm willing to risk. My child is not in any danger, it's not like there are pills, knives and moldy food everywhere with cock roaches. No... It's just very messy. Clothes on the ground, recycling piled up, dishes, toys everywhere with zero counter space from clutter. I've got ADHD as well which makes it more difficult to even begin. I feel if I could get help just once to do the entire thing I would be so grateful and never let it get like this again. There's this woman on YouTube who helps people for free and I wish I lived in her country because I would message her but unfortunately, I don't. Anyways, I am ashamed. I'm going to try to do something today .. even if it's 1 dish. Pathetic I know. Thanks for listening to my sob story lol

My confession is that I’m really tired of having people tell me (or others) to ask for help or “reach out” when I’m struggling. I’ve always been extremely independent and I very rarely ask anyone for anything. But after having been told that I’m supposed to be be reaching out, I’ve repeatedly told my family and friends that I’m really struggling with basic functioning. Dealing with multiple serious life crises over many years has left me exhausted and mentally overwhelmed. I’ve had them say they’re there for me, but no one has actually offered to help in a real sense. I see this happening to other people too, when someone says they’re going to do something and then they never do. I’ve done my best to help others as much as I can; physically, financially, and with emotional support. But now it’s me who needs it and all I’ve heard is platitudes, empty promises, annoyance that I’m even having a hard time, or complete indifference. So please, if you don’t mean it just don’t say it. At least be honest with yourself as well as with me that I’m completely on my own no matter what. It’s simpler that way.

I am so bored with my life. Nothing makes me happy anymore. Obviously my kid but that's all I live for. What no one tells you when you're a kid is that life just gets darker, more complicated and more messed up the older you get. Yeah, you can look on the bright side etc. but deep down you know it's true. I want to protect my child from the monsters of the world but I know some day they'll have to realize for themselves and I wish I could just hold and protect them til the end. Sorry to dump a big, shitty, sad post but had to get it out. I hate knowing that the magic of being a kid wears off, the real world seeps in and slowly kills our spirit. I wish it weren't true but the evidence in the world around us speaks volumes. I will teach my kid to look on the bright side, though. No one did that for me.. Maybe if I can do that her light won't burn out like so many of ours.

Even if the pandemic were over, I'd still be alone, because no one wants to be around me.

There was a time before the internet. Heck, it was not that long ago. I am finding my mind is wandering towards those times. "Get up, log off, go for a walk" has been the dominating theme of 2022. I've tried to watch the news lately and I just can't. I don't care enough about hating protestors, covid, politics or anger at anyone. I am a happy person. The internet, like a bad relationship, no longer aligns with my emotions. The stream near my home is repetitive, but I will take watching a drizzle in a ditch daily than whatever the hell is going on with people online. like people "cutting the cable" I think I am cutting the cable on the internet soon.