Waste of time and money... so why the mom guilt?

posted November 28th, 2013 at 2:13 PM

A little over a year ago before my baby was born I spent over $350 on fancy, adorable cloth diapers. I was persuaded by the majority of soon to be Mom's in my pre-natal class that it was the only way to go. Also, a few friends also expounded the wonders of reusable diapers (you save so much money! better for the planet! honestly, I think they work better than disposables!). Flash forward to now and I think I got maybe the equivalent of 1-2 months use out of them. They are cumbersome, leaky, and a pain in the ass to keep clean (I have a four year old and a one year old... I don't need any more laundry). However, I do still dust off those uber-expensive nappy's whenever I am going to be seeing a friend that uses cloth. Even though my own research has disproven many of the original claims that drew me into cloth (they don't save money unless you use them specifically and don't supplement with disposable, they are really not much better environmentally when accounting for the water and energy required to wash and dry them constantly, and hell no they do not work better), I still feel like certain people will judge me for not using them. So why the guilt? Why do I specifically put my babe in a cloth diaper when I am going to visit a pretentious friend even though I know it will probably end up leaking everywhere? It's silly I know. But I feel like there are certain expectations and pressures for parents in the city. Or maybe I'm just a guilty person and putting pressures on myself?

17 Comments

one

Nov 28, 2013 at 3:27pm

dont conform!

RUK

Nov 28, 2013 at 3:44pm

Ha ha! You're totally right. You are being judged.

But you know, there is a defence. You can't be expected to be perfect as a good parent and minimal-footprint-on-Earth type of person; you can only be expected to make reasonable efforts.

If you use disposables, or jarred babyfood sometimes because that's all you can manage given the maid and support staff that you don't have, well, that's life.

We tried to follow the Attachment Parenting playbook out of Sears and Sears. So we made our own babyfood, co-slept, fed on demand, carried the babies in a sling rather than an isolating pod - all the easy stuff.

We gave cloth diapers a good shot. Like you, a few months -- perhaps.

But eventually learned the same drawbacks you did.

If friend-o finds cloth nappies effective, efficient, and sanitary enough, well, good for her! Yay, you!

But you don't have to.

hmmm

Nov 28, 2013 at 3:57pm

Kinda wonder why a grown woman would worry about what her fancy friends think anyway.

Slim Jim

Nov 28, 2013 at 6:08pm

Like you gave the cloth diapers a good shot. When my little girl got a roaring case of diaper rash despite extreme vigilance on changing her the moment she needed it that was it for the cloth...along with all of the other reasons you cite. No guilt, just did what was right for us. And people say that you never talk religion or politics...fuck that. You never talk parenting because there are two camps on every issue and never the twain shall meet. Just do what is right for your child, for your family and lastly for you and all will be well in the world.

4ReAL

Nov 28, 2013 at 6:17pm

Four year old's still in diapers? Maybe focus on that.

And so...

Nov 28, 2013 at 7:24pm

What a boring ramble of no importance. Lame. Please put on your big girl panties and quit obsessing.

I think you're incredibly selfish ...

Nov 28, 2013 at 8:41pm

You feel "guilty" because you are guilty of killing the planet and putting yourselfish self centered self and spawn first. There are energy saving washers and dryers. If you can't put the environment first you and everyone like you should not have kids. Do you know how many decades disposable diapers take to break down? There's not enough room on earth as it is now. You're a pansy ass. If you can't do it right get yourself and your husband surgically steralized. It's people like you with a mindset about how "easy" it is to be parents---just because you can donate an egg and he can donate a sperm.

you

Nov 28, 2013 at 8:49pm

juse have the wrong friends

I am just really glad

Nov 28, 2013 at 9:25pm

I don't have kids.

CP

Nov 29, 2013 at 6:50am

It's the whole "Mom competition" thing - everybody is saying their way is better.

Don't get hooked in, my dear. Just raise your kids as you please and don't worry about this. BTW - I used disposable - never would've survived if I'd had to wash cloth as my kids are so close in age.

It's more important that you have time with them - that's the real secret to good parenting!

Enjoy them.