I confess that I’m ready to quit my job. I’ve felt this way before when I just knew that I couldn’t stand it anymore and the thought of going to work made me physically sick. I just don’t care about my employer anymore because they’re so selfish and messed up. The epitome of toxic. As much as I wanted it to work it’s just not worth destroying my mental and physical health for a paycheque.

I’ve made a lot of excuses for my family members who mistreated and neglected me as a child. I’m old now and I’m past the stage of holding onto anger and resentment towards them because of it. But I’m also being realistic now about some of what they did that I now realize was really wrong. Several times as a child I was either really sick or injured, and my father refused to get me any treatment. He had this “just live with it” attitude, and my mother just went along with whatever he wanted, so even though she could have taken me to the doctor or hospital, she just didn’t. So I’ve been left with some body damage like improperly set broken fingers, a broken nose, and lifelong psychological trauma from being sexually and physically assaulted. My oldest sibling was allowed to torment me with impunity, including regularly punching and bullying me, and I was without doubt the family scapegoat. I should be angry I guess, but I’m not. I’m just facing the truth of it, and that feels okay now. I wouldn’t say that I’ve forgiven them so much as I’ve just accepted what they did and acknowledged that I didn’t deserve any of it.

Why ? I get it now just not the WHY part ! Why me ? I'm nothing special, apparently not even that smart. Why Me ? If someone could just answer that question maybe it would justify all the weird ass shit that really made no sense all along this horrible journey I seem to be on. Why ?

Look so stupid, no style at all, shoes that people wear because they are pretty accessible to buy here, I'm not saying people should buy the latest pricy overpriced hipster shoes & clothing, but really....people don't even wear them to hike....just to wear on the street in downtown or suburbs.....I call them lazy shoes......ok I'm ready for the downvvotes

A man from my past contacted me a few months ago (last saw him 4 years ago), and he keeps texting me every few weeks, wanting to "see" me again. I'm quite confident he only wants to "have fun" with me, but am hesitant to see him. We didn't end on good terms the last time we saw each other, and I although I have asked him why he wants to see me again, I never really get a satisfying answer. I want more than just fun with him but I think he just views me as an option. Kinda flattering. Kinda annoying. I want to see him again... But I know deep down I shouldn't. Would you revisit your past if you had another chance?

Is it real or is it a distraction. I really don’t know myself at all these days.

So I win biggest loser of the year award so I was talking to a female for months we talked daily we talked about everything I thought we had a connection. My heart believed we had we never connected for one reason or another in hind sight I should have known better but I wanted it so badly I wasn’t thinking properly you would think someone in there 50s would know better. So we planned to meet Christmas Day and know one showed up or called I gave it until new year’s still no response email and numbers all no response so at least I didn’t get taken for money etc,, I’m glad my daughter was around on Christmas to take mind off it otherwise would have been in bad place. I hope 2023 is better it will take a while to open heart again to someone new weird how life throws us curve balls I hope to find new love again love to all.

I think Timothy Leary destroyed so many people by touting LSD back in the 1960s. It’s a dangerous drug that’s devastating to mental health. It’s a shame how many hippies were gullible to buy into his nonsense and died from overdosing. He was an idiot.

It's always the same. I don't speak it out loud. I don't even silently think the words in my head but the same thoughts are always there. I'm sitting across from someone, but it won't ever happen again in real life , and a decade ago when it did it never went the way I hoped anyway.

Internet 12 hours a day ...tv 7 hours a day.....twitter & tik Tok most of the time....on my iPhone all the time looking for likes & stupid shit...watched porn too as I ate my Christmas dinner at my house..... pretty pathetic.....but hey....at least I wear deodorant every day.