Why ? I get it now just not the WHY part ! Why me ? I'm nothing special, apparently not even that smart. Why Me ? If someone could just answer that question maybe it would justify all the weird ass shit that really made no sense all along this horrible journey I seem to be on. Why ?

Look so stupid, no style at all, shoes that people wear because they are pretty accessible to buy here, I'm not saying people should buy the latest pricy overpriced hipster shoes & clothing, but really....people don't even wear them to hike....just to wear on the street in downtown or suburbs.....I call them lazy shoes......ok I'm ready for the downvvotes

A man from my past contacted me a few months ago (last saw him 4 years ago), and he keeps texting me every few weeks, wanting to "see" me again. I'm quite confident he only wants to "have fun" with me, but am hesitant to see him. We didn't end on good terms the last time we saw each other, and I although I have asked him why he wants to see me again, I never really get a satisfying answer. I want more than just fun with him but I think he just views me as an option. Kinda flattering. Kinda annoying. I want to see him again... But I know deep down I shouldn't. Would you revisit your past if you had another chance?

Is it real or is it a distraction. I really don’t know myself at all these days.

So I win biggest loser of the year award so I was talking to a female for months we talked daily we talked about everything I thought we had a connection. My heart believed we had we never connected for one reason or another in hind sight I should have known better but I wanted it so badly I wasn’t thinking properly you would think someone in there 50s would know better. So we planned to meet Christmas Day and know one showed up or called I gave it until new year’s still no response email and numbers all no response so at least I didn’t get taken for money etc,, I’m glad my daughter was around on Christmas to take mind off it otherwise would have been in bad place. I hope 2023 is better it will take a while to open heart again to someone new weird how life throws us curve balls I hope to find new love again love to all.

I think Timothy Leary destroyed so many people by touting LSD back in the 1960s. It’s a dangerous drug that’s devastating to mental health. It’s a shame how many hippies were gullible to buy into his nonsense and died from overdosing. He was an idiot.

It's always the same. I don't speak it out loud. I don't even silently think the words in my head but the same thoughts are always there. I'm sitting across from someone, but it won't ever happen again in real life , and a decade ago when it did it never went the way I hoped anyway.

Internet 12 hours a day ...tv 7 hours a day.....twitter & tik Tok most of the time....on my iPhone all the time looking for likes & stupid shit...watched porn too as I ate my Christmas dinner at my house..... pretty pathetic.....but hey....at least I wear deodorant every day.

I often thought Pan refused to grow up and was obsessed with death. Then I learned what medicine constituted in his time. Alcohol and morphine. Tonics to lull children into submission and slumber. What happens to children who are neglected and learn not to express their needs? Nothing good. Isn't medication better now though? Every drug has its all healing heyday in culture. Medicine could also mean bitter truths to take in. What did Pan need to process in order to heal?

When my daughter was born in 2000 I so wished for her to be a strong intelligent young woman, like Greta Thurnberg. Instead I got this; "Dad,you know that show "Pretty Little Liars"?" "No" "Well that's what mom and me are." "Mom and I" "What?"