Straight survey reveals desires

Younger men think about sex more often than older men. Older women think about sex more often than younger women. A third of females prefer money or chocolate over sex, whereas fewer than one in five men would make the same statement. More than 40 percent of married men and married women admit to having sex outside their normal relationship. And a large majority-71 percent of men and 62 percent of women-agree with the sentiment that Vancouver is a "sexy" city.

Those are just some of the results from the Georgia Straight's first on-line sex survey. The Straight collected more than 10,000 anonymous responses to individual questions posted on www.straight.com/ over a three-week period in January. Topics ranged from which sexual practices respondents wanted to try-women's top choice was tantric sex, whereas men preferred to indulge in a three-way with two women-to the best way to deal with a broken heart. For some questions, there were a list of choices; for others, respondents could write in their own answers.

Approximately 29 percent felt that the best place to find sex partners was in a bar or nightclub. Five percent suggested that we tell them where to find sex partners, and another 10 percent stated that they didn't know where to find them. "I'm not sure, or I would be there instead of filling out this survey," one female wrote.

The survey was "self-selecting", which means it's not scientific. About 67 percent of respondents stated that they were under the age of 35, and 30 percent of those said they were under 25 years old. Among those who listed their gender, 46 percent were female.

Some of the most amusing responses concerned which actors and musicians the on-line respondents said they would like to have sex with and which ones they would never allow near the bedpost. A single woman in the 25-to-34 age category wrote that she would like to have sex with Joaquin Phoenix-but only if he was dressed as a priest. The best place to meet a sexual partner? The same woman replied: "All single men are whores. So anywhere outside my living room."

A happily married female between 25 and 34 didn't have anything to say about musicians but admitted that she would be willing to go to bed with Canada's male swim team if it were considered socially acceptable. Female respondents sometimes went into detail about why they would never have sex with a certain actor or musician. A single woman between 18 and 24 singled out Jack Black for special criticism. "I'll bet he's diseased like crazy," she surmised.

A bisexual married woman over 35 noted her distaste for "girly boys" such as Orlando Bloom and Jude Law. "They're pretty, but they're not man enough to have sex appeal." An 18- to 24-year-old heterosexual woman described Russell Crowe as "an arrogant prick"; John Cusack was described as a "wimp".

A happily married male more than 35 years old had a preference for 1960s television star Diana Riggs, claiming: "She's still got it!!!" A gay male over 35 wrote that he had the hots for "that gardner [sic] guy on Desperate Housewives".

In the actor category, Angelina Jolie was the overwhelming favourite of straight men and bisexual women. Heterosexual males preferred having Jolie in bed by more than a two-to-one margin over her nearest rivals, Scarlett Johansson and Jesicca Alba, who tied for second. Sex symbols Kate Beckinsale, Liv Tyler, Natalie Portman, Uma Thurman, Halle Berry, Salma Hayek, and Kristin Kreuk all scored fewer than a quarter of the number of votes as Jolie. Jennifer Aniston, whose ex-husband Brad Pitt hooked up with Jolie, collected just 1.5 votes for every 10 votes that went to Jolie from male respondents.

Almost twice as many bisexual women named Jolie as the actor they would like to have sex with over their second choice, Johnny Depp. Jolie was also a popular bedmate with women who identified themselves as straight. Although she came second behind Depp among straight women, Jolie still managed to collect more votes than Pitt, as well as the other top male finishers in order: Colin Farrell, Jake Gyllenhaal, Heath Ledger, and Matthew McConaughey. One female respondent stated that she wanted to have sex with "Brangelina", which we counted as a vote for Pitt and Jolie. Gay males liked Depp and Pitt; bisexual males were more likely to go for Pitt along with females such as Jolie and Alba.

Dr. Alaister Carruthers, a Vancouver cosmetic dermatologist who along with his wife, Jean, pioneered botox treatments, told the Straight that he can understand why Jolie has so much appeal. Jolie's very strong, full lips are a "very powerful signal" of youth and fertility, Carruthers said, which are both linked to sexual attractiveness. Carruthers, a clinical instructor in the UBC medical school, noted that pregnant women have fuller lips than nonpregnant women of the same age.

"We're all hardwired to appreciate things that are related to fertility," Carruthers said. "The whole female shape, as it is appreciated, is related to fertility."

Carruthers also offered an explanation for straight women's willingness to go to bed with Jolie. He began by citing the appeal of Cosmopolitan magazine, which almost always features cleavage on the cover. "How many men read Cosmo? None," he said. "So when you're looking at the cover of Cosmo, you're seeing something that is designed to appeal to women."

He said that the magazine's covers suggest that a lot of straight women are very comfortable having a "feminine appreciation" for the female form. Carruthers said that the same usually isn't true for most straight men.

"Guys maybe feel envious if they see a magnificent set of pecs, but they don't feel attracted to it-or they would be worried if they were attracted to it," Carruthers said.

Vancouver clinical sexologist Faizal Sahukan told the Straight that he thinks Jolie has a "mystique" that deepens her appeal to men and women. "Not only is she physically attractive, but it is what she represents beyond the physical sexuality," Sahukan said. "She does work for the United Nations, so she is a humanitarian. To be good lovers, we need to be humanitarian as well in a sense that we care for the individual we are with-the partner we are with-as well as for society in general."

He added that Jolie, who has adopted children from developing countries, is also maternal, which further enhances her appeal. "When you look at her as an all-round person-someone who has all aspects of their lives in tune and functional-we find that very sexually appealing," he said.

Roseanne Barr was the actor that most men didn't want to have sex with. Women most frequently listed Tom Cruise as the actor whom they wouldn't allow in their bed, naming him more than twice as often as the second-place finisher, Pitt. Jack Nicholson was third, with Colin Farrell and Danny DeVito tying for fourth. Only one Bollywood star, Shah Rukh Khan, was named in the survey, with two male respondents saying they never wanted to sleep with him.

Sahukan suggested that Cruise probably would have fared much better had the question been asked several years ago, while he was still married to Nicole Kidman, adding that he thinks many women are bothered by his recent relationship with actor Katie Holmes, who is almost young enough to be his daughter.

"I think women are taken aback by men who date or who have relationships with women who are much younger than they are," Sahukan said. "In fact, they find that almost, in a sense, dysfunctional and disturbing."

One female respondent claimed that Cruise is "creepy"; a different woman described him as a "dirty old man".

A truly dirty old man, Mick Jagger, topped the list of musicians that women didn't want to have as a sexual partner. Michael Jackson, who was acquitted of being a dirty old man, came in second in the category. Ozzy Osborne was third, followed by Chad Kroeger of Nickelback and Marilyn Manson in a tie.

Wrinkled Rolling Stone relic Keith Richards was sixth on women's musicians-won't-do list, which was not as bad as his fifth-place finish on men's list of musicians that they would never sleep with. In this category, men selected Courtney Love, who was just released on bail, as the musician they would least like to have in their bed. Love won a narrow victory over Britney Spears, with Canadians Rita MacNeil and Celine Dion coming third and fourth. Jagger tied with Madonna for sixth place behind Richards on the men's list.

Many more men, however, wanted to sleep with Madonna than refuse her entry into their bedrooms. The aging icon won a narrow victory over Gwen Stefani as the musician that men would most like to sleep with. However, Stefani was the clear winner among those under 35. Jessica Simpson came third overall. Spears. Mariah Carey, Shania Twain, Kelly Clarkson, Avril Lavigne, and Christina Aguilera were also popular choices.

Female respondents most often wanted to have sex with Bono. However, one woman declared that she would never allow the U2 frontman into her bed because "he cheated on me politically". That was probably a reference to Bono's speech at the 2003 federal Liberal convention, which coronated Paul Martin as leader.

Bono can't be considered a landslide winner, though. He had the same number of responses as "none" or "don't like musicians" or "nil" or other answers suggesting a general loathing for grown men who wear spandex or leather or heavy jewellery and prance around on a stage. After Bono and "none", the next most popular choices were Coldplay frontman Chris Martin, then Lenny Kravitz, described by an 18- to 24-year-old woman as "so dirty looking but so hot".

Women listed Usher, Trent Reznor, and Dave Grohl as desirable sex partners more often than they named old-timers like Sting and Jagger. Others put "young Bryan Adams", "young Johnny Cash", "young Colin James", "young Paul McCartney", and "young Leonard Cohen", indicating a general preference for youth over grey hair.

That's not to say that some women weren't prepared to reach beyond the grave. One stated that she wanted to sleep with John Lennon's corpse, whereas another preferred Lennon "non-dead". Jimi Hendrix and Jim Morrison were each selected, even though they both died within two years of the Beatles breaking up and before most of the Straight's survey respondents were even born.

Perhaps the most surprising response in this category didn't involve a musician either dead or alive. A 25- to 34-year-old single female responded that she would be happy to go to bed with Nardwuar the Human Serviette. "Seriously, I think he would be a wizard," she wrote.

Unfortunately for Nardwuar, a MuchMusic interviewer who lives in Vancouver, this survey was anonymous, so we can't pass along her name and number.