News for Youse: Conservatives, could you please stay the hell out of my vagina?

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      “In 1939, the NDP leader didn’t even want to support the fight against Hitler."

      Guess which politician made that insane yet entirely real remark during Question Period yesterday?

      If you guessed Stephen Harper, then you are correct! (There will be no prizes.)

      During a debate about Canada's ongoing involvement in Afghanistan, Harper threw out the spectre of the Nazis to shame the NDP for its pacifist tendencies, claiming the party didn't think getting involved in the Second World War was a good idea.

      Well, he's right. There is no way the NDP supported Canada's involvement in WWII because the NDP didn't exist until 1961, a fact quickly pointed out by many irate NDP MPs.

      In true Harper form, the former economics major merely shrugged his shoulders and said, "CCF, NDP, same difference."

      (Again, that's a real quote, we cannot stress that enough.)

      Frankly it's only a little surprising to have confirmation of our Dear Leader's ignorance of Canadian history; it's actually more surprising that he's never created a directive to rewrite Canadian history to better reflect his confused beliefs and boast of his sexual prowess and lion strength.

      While we're on the topic of "Shit Conservatives Say and Do That Surprises No One With Critical Thinking Skills", backbenching MP Stephen Woodworth introduced a BS private member's bill to reopen the debate about abortion.

      Harper was quick to jump up and say, "Well, it doesn't really reopen the abortion debate at all and I'm not going to vote for the bill anyway, but the rules say any MP can table any asinine bill they want." (No word on whether Harper will be tabling a bill to retroactively assign blame for the Second World War on the NDP.)

      Well, maybe this bill isn't about reigniting the debate about a woman's autonomy over her own goddamn body. What exactly is Woodworth proposing?

      "That a special committee of the House be appointed and directed to review the declaration in Subsection 223(1) of the Criminal Code which states that a child becomes a human being only at the moment of complete birth and to answer the questions hereinafter set forth."

      It's hardly light morning reading, but you can dig into the whole debate if you like, wherein Woodworth compares fetal rights to those of adult humans, states that the abortion of fetuses is akin to killing newborn babies, and sees no irony in invoking an ancient proverb as a reason to examine a 400-year-old definition of what is a human.

      Dear Conservatives, could you please stop being so fucking transvaginal already? There are very few things I want in my vagina and you are not one of them.

      But it seems like Canadians may be wising up to Harper's apparent disregard for their feelings or worth as human beings; a recent Nanos Research Survey shows that overall trust in Harper's abilities as prime minister have dropped from 31.7 percent to 20 percent in the last two months alone.

      Well, well, well; there may just be hope for this sorry nation after all.


      Follow incredulous vagina-haver Miranda Nelson on Twitter.




      Apr 27, 2012 at 10:58am

      AND, after they stop poking their noses into the female vagina, I wish they'd stop probing Canadian males as well. No orifice is safe these days.

      A Nervous Anus-Haver


      Apr 27, 2012 at 11:01am

      The Conservatives or anyone else will not be invading your vagina because it is already occupied by the Devil and competition is not approved by the committee of the politically correct!


      Apr 27, 2012 at 12:09pm

      Shouldn't this entire article be about Stephen Woodworth and his policies? Instead it's long ramble trying to connect an unrelated dumb-thing-Harper-said with the sensationalist article title. Emphasis on trying. Just hotlink to the debate article and skip the pointless character painting.


      Apr 27, 2012 at 12:11pm

      Love the title of this article!!!!

      Gentleman Jack

      Apr 27, 2012 at 12:47pm


      Comrade Teknik, you know better than to mention the Committee's Existence in Public!


      Apr 27, 2012 at 12:51pm

      It may be your vagina, but it's the babies home. This isn't about your fun play hole - it's a matter of life an death for a miniscule Canadian citizen.
      If you can't do the time, don't do the crime. There are sometimes consequences for fun - a 9 month break is one of them.
      Sorry to act devil's advocate on this, as I enjoy sexual frivolity more than most, but we (the party animals) gotta face responsibility ourselves for our choice of favors. I know I may sound like a common dismissive male, but one with a 50% investment in your vagina's contents.
      AND, remember, the argument HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH US or our pleasant places- it's arguably about the rights of a young Canadian citizen to small to have a voice to speak up.
      Dismissing the rights of another vulnerable entity is in no way helping your vagina or the woman its attached to. Women of all people should understand the importance of standing up for the un-empowered.
      I can relate to the decision when the mother or babies life is in danger. Even in the case of rape, etc. it's a judgement call.. but as a method of birth control after playtime? Those are some damn heavy consequences.
      Remember the fight for autonomy women very recently endured? Time to pass the torch.
      This has nothing to do with a vagina, and the shock value of using the term publicly isn't making us any more tough or empowered. Defining a woman by her vagina was something we grew beyond 40 years ago I thought, as it's a sexist dismissal.

      Stephen Hui

      Apr 27, 2012 at 12:58pm


      1. Actually, the uterus is typically a baby's home.

      2. You just messed with the wrong vagina.

      Elizabeth King

      Apr 27, 2012 at 1:04pm

      Sadly, as woman we are not policing our own vaginas and when you fail in that regard you have to expect that concerned individuals will speak up. When women say it is your political, human right to kill another human being simply because the baby is growing in a woman's uterus, you have failed morally as a woman. We are the sacred guardians of a developing baby from the moment we miss our period to the moment we give birth. Afterwards, we share that responsibility with our partners and families, till then we are what stands between death and our growing baby. What we eat, drink, do in daily life, all has to be adjusted to protect that life. Killing that life as a right is not a right I want to claim as a woman and a mother; it would make me a monster. If people need to stand up and remind us that this is a precious life to be protected and give that life protection under the law so there will be no more babies crushed to death inside the womb and pulled out limb by limb with surgical instruments, then march right into my vagina. Take up camp, Occupy it.


      Apr 27, 2012 at 1:24pm

      @ D.H.: Can you please explain why your view of the fetus changes if the mother's life is in danger, or when the pregnancy is due to rape, or if the pregnancy results from "playtime"?

      What is your rationale for killing a fetus - which you insist is a human being - under ANY circumstances? Political expediency or moral indignity?