King of Pop Michael Jackson back from exile

He might look like a bit player from the 2005 horror flick House of Wax, but Michael Jackson is fine. No, really.

Despite what we’ve been led to believe from the tabloids over the past couple of years, what’s left of his face isn’t being held together by Band-Aids. He isn’t suffering from Alpha 1-antitrypsin deficiency, which causes emphysema and gastrointestinal bleeding. And, from what we can tell he isn’t practically blind in his left eye, he hasn’t lost the ability to speak, and his primary mode of transportation isn’t a wheelchair powered by small children.

How do we know this? Well, because against all odds, the reportedly financially strapped King of Pop emerged from exile this past week, initially popping up on the streets of London for the benefit of infotainment shows like ET. And not only does he look, well, semi-human in an animatronic, bloodless-corpse kind of way, he’s also declared himself fit to entertain again.

Jackson staged a news conference at London’s The O2 arena this morning to announce that he’ll be performing 10 concerts at the U.K. mega-facility. The first show takes place on July 8, 2009, with subsequent dates to be confirmed. Tickets, which will range from $90 to $136 plus service charges, go on sale in the U.K. on March 13 at 7 a.m.

Despite looking like the best advertisement this side of Jocelyn Wildenstein for why no one needs plastic surgery, Jackson was able to stand on his own two feet. That was an improvement from late last year, when he was photographed wearing pajamas and being pushed in a wheelchair by his children.

At the insistence of AEG, the conglomerate that owns The O2, the singer is reported to have undergone rigorous medical testing to ensure that he is fit to perform the concerts, which are being billed as the Final Curtain Call. Jackson’s last series of concerts were in 1996-97 for his HIStory tour. To give you an idea how long ago that was, Bill Clinton was in the Oval Office using Monica Lewinsky as his own private cigar box.

Check out today’s conference below. The action gets going at the five-minute mark; before that, you get to enjoy a bunch of old footage from the years Jackson was a musical giant, rather than Jay Leno’s favourite punchline.