As a woman, my parameters of attraction are actually broader. If a man is genuinely interested in me as a person, that counts more than what he looks like. I wish I could advise guys to work on their conversational skills more, but based on some of the things I've read about women on here, it seems that improving those skills would be a waste of time. So I don't know.

(On that note, it's too bad that I've encountered my share of "good guys" who only want to be with me because they don't want to be alone. They treat me as a job with requirements to fulfill, rather than a person they might actually like.)

I do understand that looks count a lot more for you as a guy (it's biology) but I wonder if you're crushing on women who are out of your league as a self-defeating way of avoiding rejection and heartache.

you can cange te values of wat ur attracted to say something a bit more longterm, like being attracted to humor, or great reading skills or a certain laugh. Your post annoys the hell outta me.maybe what you consider very attractive women is not the standard typical air brushed model, but I would find you vain attitude incredibly unattractive

Love is everything in this world. Wait to find real love. Chemistry and attraction may surprise you. It might be things that are not even on your list and have nothing to do with how the person looks. It will be worth the wait. Live life to the fullest. I understand the pressure. I have lived it myself and waited and found love/passion beyond my wildest dreams. A love that may not be understood by those that married for different reasons.

I didn't mean to imply that looks are the most important thing to me or to women. Yes, the women I'm attracted to are beautiful, but they are also smart, funny and high achieving. Its all of these things in totality that make them so attractive. And because I am none of those things, I don't have a snowball's chance in hell with them.
I'm basically just trying to say that people, by and large, can't help being attracted to certain qualities or individuals. It just is what it is. Who tells themselves, "okay, from now on I'm going to be attracted to so-and-so and that's that?" Nobody!
I don't think that anyone, women or men, should be shamed, or browbeaten for who or what they find attractive in a partner. If men with white-collar careers are your preference, fine. If you are not attracted to certain ethnicities, fine. It's your right to have whatever preference you want in a S.O. You shouldn't be forced to change whatever qualities you find appealing, even if others disapprove of those qualities, if its not going to make you happy in the long run.
"Settling" for someone is a recipe for misery. Some people might say that I'm being immature, unrealistic and clinging to some sort of romantic comedy ideal, but I still think that you should be with someone because you are genuinely crazy about that person and not just afraid of being alone. I'm prepared to wait my whole life for that to happen and, if it doesn't, that's fine.

I find your wholesale slaughter of the English language incredibly unattractive and impossible to read.

I got a lot of flack for expressing that height was an issue with an ex. He was way taller than me and it *was* an issue. I just wanted to be able to lean in to or dance with my head on his chest, not his stomach.

I knew a fellow who sounded similar to you. He himself was perhaps a 3 out of 10 but only noticed and desired women that were 10s. This guy had no career, lived at home, did not travel and basically had zero ambitions. His obsessions with only the gorgeous girls seemed to me juvenile; it was like he was 13 and was hyperfocused on the car model girls as the singular entity of womanhood. And honestly, his choice in women seemed polarizing. Not only did he desire women well out of his league, but he never did one thing to raise his own self upwards to meet them part way (ie. get a job, move out and be independent, go to school, learn a new language/skill, master a sport, etc.)

Being crazy about someone involves risk. Relationships are based on vulnerability. OP, as you say you're in your 30s, I'm wondering if you've ventured and opened yourself up to anyone? Can someone be in their 30s and still have not met ONE person they were dying to know more about?

OP, I agree with you that you can't trick yourself into being attracted to someone. Being attracted to someone is visceral, unpredictable, messy, and sometimes confusing. Being attracted to someone doesn't even mean you're supposed to marry that person either. Attraction can be temporary and fleeting. When you feel understood and supported, however, that is inherently more meaningful after 5-15-25+ years.

is a reminder of the differences between what men and women (usually) want.

Men want a woman who's qualities compliment him,
meaning that if he is shy, he likes an outgoing girl,
basically it's the idea of their differences balancing things out.
Women prefer co-operation over competition (in a relationship),
and don't want to have to deal with the arguments & fights
that result from differences, so we prefer finding partners
who we have things in common with (at least the important stuff).

So yes dude, you won't find a beautiful, successful woman who will settle for a guy she has to look after.
sorry

you didn't hurt my feelings and I find you judgmental attitude pompous and a barricade to communication, sir henry james the failure