To the heterosexual peoples: Learn the secret language of the homosexuals

If you are a member of the heterosexual people who has been kept awake many a night wondering how the mysterious homosexual people are able to covertly find each other without anyone else knowing, the following new short documentary helps to unveil the cryptic and arcane language of the gays that they employ to communicate with each other when heterosexuals are not present.

Due to longterm societal oppression, repression, and obsession by the heterosexuals, the homosexual peoples have developed a highly complex, extremely codified, and absolutely fabulous system of non-verbal communication that is not unlike the rituals of birds, insects, and dysfunctional families.

Heterosexual peoples, who seem to be everywhere and are apparently unstoppable, may be able to learn a few important elements and incorporate them into their daily lives when encountering various people, including numerically challenged mathematicians with speech impediments, dairy farmers who religiously hunt store shelves for orange-flavoured yogurt for no apparent reason, and self-conscious performance artists with a shameful past employing mime as therapy.