Today I found out that all women are equal, feminists are whiny, grouchy babies, and I need to make my man a sandwich stat!
At least that’s the conclusion I’ve reached after reading all the tweets containing the hashtag #WomenAgainstFeminism.
Yay! The patriarchy is over!
(Pro-tip: It's not.)
At first, I was angry and thought this:
But then I read this and had a revelation:
Shouldn't feminists respect a woman's choice to not be a feminist? #WomenAgainstFeminism— Julie Borowski (@JulieBorowski) July 21, 2014
And that's not completely wrong.
Full disclosure: back in my early 20s, I used to be a woman against feminism. Not because I didn’t think women deserve equal pay for equal work or protection from domestic violence or to be treated as well as men are in society, but because I assumed being a feminist meant hating men and burning my bra.
Like this woman:
There was simply no way I could get behind that because I am both rather fond of men and non-saggy tits. And YOLOing, although we didn't call it that back then.
But then I started learning about feminism and realized I would not be where I am today if not for my feminist foremothers who fought for my rights to vote, attend college, and hold down a job that didn’t involve squalling infants suckling my boobs into droopy oblivion.
(Not that I look down my nose at any woman who makes that choice for herself, because feminism is about having the agency to make your own decisions!)
I then further realized that I'm an educated white woman with a hell of a lot of privilege that other women don't have and that my first-world feminist problems, while real, pale in comparison to the problems of other women who aren't me.
#WomenAgainstFeminism Because if everything's fine for me, it must be for every other woman ever and we should quit complaining AMIRITE?— Annie (@annie80778) July 21, 2014
So now I'm a damn feminist and I'm proud to report that I've never burned any article of clothing, except for that time I accidentally melted the sleeve of my hoodie while making a fire.
(I mean, what was I thinking trying to start a fire? That's obviously a man's job.)
One of the most visible users of the hashtag on Twitter has been Holly Fisher, a self-described "Christian. Wife of an Army combat-infantry vet. Mom of 3.", who has glorious insights like these:
#WomenAgainstFeminism because some of us know that equal pay for equal work is already a thing...— Holly Fisher (@HollyRFisher) July 21, 2014
Women on average earn 76.5 percent of a man's wage, and obviously 76.5 percent rounds up to 100, so totally equal.
#WomenAgainstFeminism because hairy armpits are just wrong.— Holly Fisher (@HollyRFisher) July 21, 2014
Thank goodness I shaved my armpits this morning. I hope all the men I come in contact with today appreciate it! Oh, wait... will my wanton armpit depilation inadvertantly encourage men to lust after me? Shit, I better put on a long-sleeved T just to be safe.
But obviously the patriarchy is over now, right? I mean, I shaved my armpits and everything.
I mean, obviously it's over because after a male blogger uncovered an eight-year-old video of a monologue former Vision Vancouver park board nominee Trish Kelly did about masturbation, she didn't quit the municipal campaign so as not to be a distraction from all those brave men who are courageously running for office, too.
Besides, feminist trailblazers like hero-mayor Rob Ford, who smokes crack and demeans women constantly, well, he's still running for office, women be damned—that's so feminist it hurts.
Society loves women. Loves them. See?
Women are of only two types.. Either intelligent or Beautiful.. Except for female feminist.. Who are ugly bitches #DogaSpeaks— Champ-u-terology (@BolshoyBooze) July 18, 2014
Ugly bitches gotta be told, yo!
#WomenAgainstFeminism are against what it has become, not what it started out as. Historical feminism is not modern feminism.— Gordon Shuckrow III (@gordonshuckrow) July 21, 2014
(Oh, thank goodness a man is here to mansplain the hashtag, because I was going off on a pearl-clutching, anti-man tangent.)
Now I know that it's not those pioneering feminists these #WomenAgainstFeminism have a problem with; it's feminists like me who they dislike so much.
Why? Because I don't think one in two women should be sexually assaulted in her lifetime? Because I think women who use birth control aren't irresponsible? Because I don't pretend rape culture doesn't exist? Because I think a woman can be both a good employee and a good mother at the same time?
So, to everyone gleefully rubbing their hands together at this anti-woman hashtag, remember this:
#WomenAgainstFeminism ?????? feminism is the reason you can even input your opinion on this.— stephanie (@lettucelucifer) July 21, 2014
#WomenAgainstFeminism: If you're a privileged young white woman, you're essentially saying "I got mine, the rest of you are on your own."— Maria Morrissey (@mamaria33) July 21, 2014
And I'm terribly sorry, boyfriend. I guess I should be making you more sandwiches.
It’s just that yours are so fucking delicious.