Starring Maria del Mar. Rated 14A. Opens Friday, November 5, at the Granville 7 Cinemas

First-time screenwriter and codirector Sandra Feldman is a Toronto family physician, has a large Chinese-Jewish clan of her own, wears a tae kwan do black belt, and works as a stuntwoman in film and TV. Now, that sounds like an interesting life. Too bad the people she’s chosen to depict in A Touch of Grey (codirected by Ian Mah) are the opposite of extraordinary.

Obviously, ordinariness could be the point in a tale about lifelong friends having a hotel-room reunion 25 years after high school. But the travails of these four pals aren’t just pedestrian; they’re downright boring. Although not quite as middle-aged as their characters (and there isn’t a grey hair in sight), the actors are all TV veterans. And the situation, with four rocky marriages discussed over as many bottles of wine, is serviceable enough. But the lighting, staging, and incessant close-ups are surpassingly ugly, and there isn’t one memorable line in this parade of fake punch lines and dull clichés. (There’s a lengthy discussion on how to say, “It doesn’t get any better than this.”)

Of the cast, only the Spanish-born Maria del Mar stands out; her character orchestrated the girls’ night out, and her face conveys more subtleties than do the others. Kirsten Bishopric provides idiotic comic relief as a dim bulb who distracts herself with promiscuous sex. Katya Gardner is the judgmental prude who pisses off the others. And Angela Asher is the hard-edged single mom who declares that divorce isn’t as much fun as it’s cracked up to be. But she, like the rest, doesn’t express a specific thought that isn’t tied to men, children, and “having it all”. We know they feel trapped by their gender roles, but who they might be without them doesn’t seem to be anything they want to talk about—even after cracking the mini bar.