Get over yourself. You're making her wedding day all about you. Pain? Tears? You write as though you've got a loved one on death row.

Business owners in the wedding industry would be very gratified to read this.

The outrageous importance assigned to this one-off event is archaic. A happy, durable relationship and marriage are not the same thing, and the first is FAR more important and valuable. If all of you are holding this kind of grudge over a ceremony (which is, um, CEREMONIAL, not functional, by its very definition), a reality check is urgently required.

It may not even be her only wedding, considering how life expectancy has changed. Let it go.

That kind of betrayal towards your own family is kind of unforgivable. OMG and geeknomad are completely out to lunch.

her wedding day is not about you or her brother or her parents. It is about her and her husband. Get over yourself you selfish cow, and be happy that she is doing what her and her husband want to do!

Poignantly spoken from most; I'm anything but selfish. When you see first hand people hurting around you and being completely helpless it also hurts. I'm merely expressing what I have seen, and they have been respectful of her wishes. I can't stress that enough.
With that said; I am surprised that if a sibling got married and you weren't invited, who cares. The child you raise with delicate little fingers that grip your own; grows up and gets married, when you're not invited, who cares. What should you care about? Their new car? New job? New cat?
Anyway; NEWS FLASH, I don't appreciate you calling me a selfish cow. You don't know me personally and I find it offensive, aggressive and mean-spirited. You have a right to your opinion; but not a right to be cruel.

Modern Marriage at least there are people out there who have read what you have had to say and understand the depth of feeling you bring to the experience. Contrary to what other cynical and frankly perverse, commentators have written, a marriage is not just about the people getting married: it is about two villages coming together. These marriage ceremonies are enacted throughout the world and amongst many different cultures and have done for thousands of years. If marriage ceremonies were just about the people getting married, they wouldn't have lasted all these centuries. And if it is just about the couple, why have anyone there at all?

Take heart Modern Marriage... the awful people who have commented here are luxuriating in the fact that they've never lost family members and have no idea the pain their absence brings even years later. They can afford to be mean-spirited and judgmental because they don't have a clue what loss means. And when that day comes for them, they will awaken to the idea that every last memory of their dear departed is a gift to be nurtured and as sure as night follows day... they will regret opportunities missed.
Pay no attention to their ramblings but thank you for sharing your thoughts.

AGITPROP; thank-you for your eloquent words, they are filled with such beautifully written wisdom! <3

I know you mean well, but did it ever occur to you that the couple - who is obviously a lot younger - just wanted to have a wedding the way like it, probably anticipating criticism from their conservative parents regarding alcohol use, or music, or clothes and food, or their friends, your values may be different, and if despite your good intentions you keep telling them that, they would rather eliminate you from the celebration.

I sympathize with the hurt feelings of your husband/his parents and can understand that perspective, but it really shouldn't be about them- there's too much pressure on making weddings a perfect event for everyone else, when it should be about the couple having a special day. Clearly they just wanted a low key ceremony, or maybe she/her partner felt uncomfortable expressing their feelings in front of family and instead wanted to be surrounded by supportive friends that they felt they could be open in front of. Personally, if my brother chose to go off and get married with only a few friends as witnesses I wouldn't be offended, I'd be thrilled for him.

I eloped and I don't regret it. My parents are functional alcoholics. My husbands parents are seperated and it's not really amicable, his dad is a dry drunk AA batshit crazy religious ass who is remarried and his sister is a mental health nightmare. My mother was devastated by my decision and pulled most of the family into her drama and our relationship is still strained. But there was no way I was interested in navigating these familial dysfunctions on my wedding day. So try not to be too judgey, people have their reasons for doing what they do. It doesn't mean they've never suffered loss or are just being selfish. Everyone sees and experiences and values things differently, that's just life.