It happened before I even realized but I think I love you. I will never tell you, you can never and will never know and our solid friendship is now doomed. Eventually the heartache will wear and tear on me to the point where I just quietly slip away. I believe the kids today call this "ghosting." It's been nice knowing you.
Realizing I am alone in the world is a hard pill to swallow. I have a hard time making friends. Mostly because of past traumatic events, that I'm still trying to over come. Everyone always leaves or dies. I thought my heart was broken before. But as time goes on I feel more sad and alone.
I'm really not as nice as I think I am, and I have done some stuff I super regret in the past, been mean, gossipy, participated in bullying, lied , ugh. But ya, I'm Hella suffering, just like so bad, and it's an fuped situation, meds have just made it worse. I wonder if I deserve it. But I know way better people than me who suffered n succumbed to the same shit, gawd I hope it's not my fault, so anyways I know it's not a fate thing. Its not a fair payback thing. Its just bad landing I guess, some people have a very advantageous point over others and use it. I'd like to check in on the people I loved, liked, under appreciated and harmed but im worried its not safe for me to test the waters, plus im just too cray for people rn. I dunno, my current life sucks, considering I love in the sweet part of canada, if I ever get out of this mess I will be a better person, I will enjoy life, and I will do my best to see other parts of north america and the world. I wish I did more and saved u, u r such a good person compared to everyone else. I don't think anyone is gonna help me, while I get that I suck, I don't know why u wouldn't want to take this chance to help all the other awesome people, I reiterate, BETTER people than me, who this shit storm hits. I'm talking about the mindfck thing. Stop ignoring it, speak up. If u don't know what I'm talking about then man am I jealous...
It’s great that he gave up drinking if it was creating a problem in his life. It’s sad that the only time he could ever say the things that I needed to hear from him was when he was drinking. I think if you can only express your true feelings when you’re drunk, alcohol is only a symptom of a much bigger problem.
I haven’t liked this word “ lovely “ for awhile now and today I have to tell the public. I noticed whenever people say “ she’s lovely “, or “ It’s a lovely present “, “ it was lovely to meet them “, they all don’t have anything nice to say, but they still have to be polite, so they use the word lovely. I find it so fake when they say it too.
I like analyzing body language and words people use, what they say how they say something, so that’s what I noticed.
Ever since I realized this, I caught myself wanting to use this “ lovely “ to describe someone or something too. Just a couple of times because I really didn’t know what to say. I chose not to comment. I caught myself not to do it, because at that moment I just confirmed so it is true, when you can’t describe someone/ something is nice, we just turn to the word “ lovely”.
Another word is “ yes”. Someone that keeps saying “yes”, it sounds patronizing. They are usually people that are proper, want to let people know they are educated and a good person. They just keep answering “ yes “.
Hey, what do you readers think? Any thoughts are welcome. I’m sure I will get some disagreements. I let you know, I haven’t used the word “ lovely “ once in my life to describe anything or anyone. But I have said “ yes , yes, yes” to a few people, and in my heart I was doing my eye rolling. Ya, I don’t eye roll when I’m in conversation. I also think that’s a sign. It says a lot about how they feel about the other person. Haha
Hate to say this but when you’re burning through your savings just to survive living in Vancouver, I honestly don’t have any energy to care about world wars, conflicts, “He said/she said” drama, or 40 year businesses shutting down. Survival of me and wondering wtf will happen to me before philanthropy and politics.
A lot of these ageing rockers just don’t sound as good as they used to. A bunch of balding, out of tune, out of shape, overweight middle-aged men that sound either too drunk or stoned to sing, behaving like they’re in their early 20s all over again. And whenever they perform new material, most people sit down. People pay these guys to hear songs that they know, not the crap off some new album. Most ageing rock bands reunite after being split up for so long pretty much for the money. As a radio DJ in my generation once said, “I’d like to thank John, Paul, George and Ringo for not getting back together and spoiling a great thing.”
Ever since The Railway Club closed I feel like I have been drifting around looking for somewhere to belong.
I recently ran into someone from high school. I wouldn't call this person a fully-fledged bully. That person was just a colossal jerk to me. We both talked for a while and had no hard feelings about the past. He never apologized, but really it didn't matter. We both moved on. I respect people who move on from high school much more than those still stuck in high school 20 years later.
Something we notice on social media is basically a trend of all kinds of phrases. Among the many phrases you hear are “ghosting”, “bae” “wokeness” “narcissist” and now “do better.” I wonder if I’m the only one who thinks that “do better” is merely a disguised insult that comes off as virtue signalling? I find that whenever people use this phrase, they don’t actually encourage positive behavior. It comes off as attacking and demeaning, which basically makes the other person feel ambushed. Maybe I’m the one who needs to “do better”. Do better? Do worse? What next? Do nothing? Nothing at all? JUST DO IT!!
