As someone who has average looks, I have never stood out from the crowd or been popular. I was more likely to be chosen last in gym. But this taught me to work hard because I had no choice. I had to learn to support myself if a team wouldn't support me. So now that I am slowly becoming successful and I have kept my optimistic attitude in the workplace, people despise me. This is a very weird turn of events. I don't think I owe them anything at this point, but will gladly help hard-working people rise in the ranks. But... you know what? It sometimes feels like a losing battle as I see all these plastic Hollywood people who are doing awesome for no particular reason sometimes. I love watching old film where characters were not particularly attractive, but knew how to act damn well. I think I am alive at the wrong time.

Some people I was close with for years I have not seen at all since Covid. They all work in high risk environments daily AND as they work so hard they feel there is no problem going out and socializing. I have lost all respect for them and shake my head that they are so ignorant. But the very worst part, that I could never admit out loud to anyone, is a secretly hope they catch Covid. I feel like a bad human wishing that on someone, but if they DON'T get it, they will rub it in everyones face about how they just "lived their life" and had a great summer. I can hear it now.

You can do all the supposedly right things and your life can still be turned upside down by something out of your control. As I enter my senior years I have less patience for people who continue to insist that if someone is having a rough time it’s obviously because they’re just not being positive. A person can follow a very healthy life style and still become seriously or chronically ill. Someone who’s always been fiscally responsible can find themselves needing to declare bankruptcy because of an unexpected illness, accident, and / or job loss. This completely naive and cult-like insistence that only “positive” thoughts are permissible and that anyone with poor health or having other types of bad experiences obviously brought it upon themselves is just ridiculous. We need to embrace our humanity, and that means that we need to be free to experience and express all of the normal emotions that humans have. Including the ones that aren’t so pleasant. Obviously I’m not advocating out-of-control rage or other similarly negative behaviour, but to label someone as negative just because they acknowledge and express the full gamut of experience is just wrong. It’s censorship of the most basic kind.

Today on transit the bus was crowded, mask less person sitting next to me coughing. Everyone standing and most people not wearing masks. Working with high risk people who don’t wear masks either, I have resigned myself to the fact that I will probably get Covid come the Fall.

I need new shoes but have been postponing it for months. Mine are very worn and give me horrible corns, but I can't bring myself to go shoe shopping. It is one of my least favourite things on earth, I don't know why I hate it so much. I usually buy stuff online but with shoes you can't do that, the fit needs to be perfect. I hope that sometime this week I can muster up the courage and energy to do it. I tried a few months ago and went to sport chek, tons of shoes but I didn't like any of them. So flashy! I felt like I was in Japan or times square, just so bright and flashy. And you need to talk to people and get them to fetch your sizes, most other things you can just do yourself. And then walk around a bit with them in the store. I just hate it so much, worse than hell I tell you!

I did all my favourite things today, and still felt depressed.

I see no effort in his part on anything, so he's getting the boot next month. No social distancing, hand-washing in the house at all seemingly (not that I am watching closely but I buy the soap and know the usage), and no cleaning meanwhile working from home. Why would I put up with this? Sick of seeing his messes and don't want to get sick. My family is here, so not worth the risk having the douche bag around.

I have no luck making friends. It's always me who initiate first contact and always go above and beyond for them. I decided to stop. I won't hear from them ever again or make friends but at least I am no longer the foolish one chasing people to be my friend.

have an awesome bf. am happy. would love for a dyke to eat me silly.

My girlfriend and I would love to have a threesome with one of her girlfriends. It’s just a matter of scheduling and trying to make time for each other. Hopefully it should happen soon.