I'm a nurse who has been working in the hospital for the entirety of the pandemic. I cant describe how sick I am of hearing the same question over and over again. "What are the numbers like in the hospital?" "What should I be doing?" "When do you think this will end?" I've run out of patient ways of saying "I dont know". From relatives to strangers to friends, PLEASE talk to me about ANYTHING other than the pandemic. ALSO if you're gonna ask how things are in the hospital (and they're usually not great), be prepared to listen when I vent about how bad it actually is. 99% of peoples eyes glaze over wihin seconds when I describe it, so please just dont ask if you dont wanna hear. I'm burnt out and can handle my sh*t at work, but the patience fades the second I leave the hospital doors. Sorry for the rant.

So much is going back to “normal”, yet I feel wary of doing some of things I used to enjoy, like group fitness. I know businesses have had it rough, happy they can have more people. Am I alone in feeling uncomfortable about larger group situations tho?

It's just not ever going to be for me. Having friends, having community, having a partner, having good health - these things will never be for me. I will never have them.

Life feels like groundhog day. I'm a single mom. I wake up so early it's still dark out and feel like passing out from exhaustion before it's even dark in the evening. I don't really understand exactly what this feeling is. Desperation or despair. I have to remind myself my autistic toddler will not be a toddler forever but then I wonder if she will ever speak. I get sad sometimes thinking about the challenges she already faces and the ones yet to come for the rest of her life and I break down in tears when she goes to sleep. I hate to cry in front of her. Some days I put my shirt over my head so she can't see my eyes tearing up. I'm just one big, overemotional mess. The good part is she does not give two sh*ts. She has seen me cry and actually laughed. So, I have to be honest.. I thank God for that. A kid pushed her at the park. She laughed and ran away. My little girl quite possibly does not give a flying f*** about anyone's emotions and I'm kind of living for it. Hopefully it means she won't hurt as much as the rest of us sensitive Sallys when she runs into heartache. Maybe it won't bother her at all. She lights up my life and makes me laugh so hard. It's like your kids annoy the hell out of you, you can't wait for them to fall asleep. You relax your shoulders, go to watch Netflix and unwind but end up on your phone scrolling through pictures of them missing them in the next room. This is getting too sappy. Life can be mundane but it's worth it for the happy little things that keep us afloat. Don't forget the little things and keep on sailing through. Thanks for reading, have a good one.

I’ve tried to do it all. Vaccinated, boosted, masked everywhere I go outdoors and indoors, only go out when necessary, don’t do anything “risky” or “enjoyable”, don’t socialize, haven’t gone skiing or to a restaurant or to the mall or a movie or a sporting event or anything else that wasn’t absolutely necessary in over 2 years now. Still got horribly sick with COVID, finally recovered after a month and a half of being sick but to be completely honest I wish I would have died. Just so tired of this. This isn’t life anymore, it’s simply existence. Tired of how we have to exist now. I miss 2019 but it looks like we’ll never get back to that now. I can just see it now - even if some restrictions are lifted they will be back in place a month or two later because of the next variant. So tired of this.

The thought of breaking up with my significant other has crossed my mind a handful of times in the past year. Not because I've stopped loving them or because they are malicious is any kind of way but because I feel like we are hardly in a romantic relationship any more. My SO struggles with mental health issues. I've tried my best to be there for them, support and encourage them but they've done nothing to help themselves. I struggle with anxiety and depression and I do my best of keep myself balanced. I'm working on it at least. Everyone handles their sh*t differently, i know. But how long do you wait for someone you care about to start making those changes? Some days I just feel exhausted and frustrated and think we'd be better off apart. I do love them an incredible amount and feel terrible for considering these thoughts.

to be right about someone else's suffering even if they hurt you deeply.

But I hate my new boss. We are not compatible. With every communication from them, we are like oil and water. I’ve never experienced this before. Maybe I’m getting too old to be led by a dufus.

I was raised Catholic and attended a Catholic elementary school. At eleven years of age I asked the priest why do I need to speak to you? Why can’t I speak directly to God? The priest said he was closer to God than I was. A kind of intermediary so I needed to confess to him. I thought, something is wrong here. I started to ask more questions and they started to hit me. They hit me with a belt. They hit me with a strap. They hit me with the pointer used for the pull down maps. They told me this was for my own good. They told me this hurt them more than it hurt me. Then they hit me some more. I was never obedient. I will never be obedient, but as you can tell; I still suffer.

I don’t know if this is a good or bad thing, but I silently worry about this upcoming year. Already Merritt hit a record daily high temperature, 11°C, 3 ° higher than normal. And I follow the weather patterns in the US. Los Angeles hit a record 31° C when the average is 21°C in February. I worry about blistering drought, out of control wildfires, smoke smothering us for days or weeks, and of course, another heat dome. I actually don’t like it when it’s warm anywhere now; it makes me stress that everything will dry out sooner and make the forests tinder dry. People I talk to have no idea what I’m talking about. Is it just me, overreacting when everyone is blasé and indifferent.