I am falling for a man whose emotional complexities make it very difficult - if not outright perilous - to fall with any certainty of survival. He is loyal and caring, but more than once I have felt his razor-tongued criticism. Had it come from anyone else, I would be impervious, but when you care for their creator those cuts sting. I confess that I am equal parts wary of and bewitched by him. Much in the way that I know fire will burn me, but I want to get warmer nonetheless. I too am emotionally complex. So we do this frustrating dance of attraction and repulsion. Like two electrons. One minute pulled together by our eyes and the next pushed apart by our words. Like mongoose and snake. Each afraid of the other's rejection. I can say cutting things too. I simply cannot tell if our story is beautiful or sad. Perhaps it's just another dark fairytale. Perhaps I just dreamed it.

Q: What will follow anything?

With neighbors over noise lifestyle windows whatever. Saw them for the first time in the hallway today- they're fucking zombies! Help

I am sitting at work today. Yet another meeting. My boss will go off on a tangent: usually it is about personal family matters. Today we had a 5 minute deviation to discuss colors and good grasp on writing gadgets. The meeting started 20 minutes late. One of the members offered to make tea for the boss (fyi my boss has full control of their proximal and distal limbs and is perfectly capable of doing so on their own). Fast forward to me wanting to literally come out of my clothes...can we for once focus on actually doing what we have set out to do?! I need to change my mindset and so far nothing is helping. At times I wonder if it is just me that feels this way at work.

I keep waiting for the day when the double standard about women’s sexuality v. men’s sexuality ends. So far it’s the same old crap, different decade. It’s still exceptionally common for guys to get all weirded out if they learn that the woman has slept with several men, even though they themselves may have slept with many more than she. One of the recent posts here about a woman who had done that and then met a guy who “forgave” her for doing it, is a perfect example of this double standard. So many ignorant males responding, saying things like the woman is garbage, etc. Where the hell does any man get off assuming that it’s perfectly acceptable for them to have sex with as many women as possible, yet still expect women to be “chaste”? It’s so archaic! Ffs it’s almost 2020 and we’re no further ahead on this than we were back in the ‘70’s! Get this straight guys: we are sexual beings, just like you. We have the right to have sex with as many people as we feel like. Just like you. If you think it’s only okay for males but not for females, then that makes you sexist as hell. Period.

I confess I enjoy watching movies/tv shows set in the 50's and 60's. The setting reminds me how humanity once was and how much I do miss seeing any shred of it remaining in today's society. I can't believe Apu is being written off from the Simpsons. Really? Almost 30 years on the show. One asshole finds him racist. Beloved character gone. Fuck you. Sorry, I'm still kinda fired up about that one. Not sorry. I think there's too many sensitive people on this planet right now. How did that happen? Who is controlling our emotions. The media? Maybe. I digress. Leo does a good job in those movies. Mad Men was awesome too.

I’m envious of people who can celebrate something like Halloween. I’m exhausted by surviving and life expenses.

Ignorant people in the gym.

I would be okay if we made a fortress North America that was cut away from the world. I like borders. I would be happy living in my country and doing my other thing, while the rest of the world enjoys their own principles, ideas, and over-population.

People who talk shit left, right and centre about everyone in their lives on the first date. Yeah, enjoy singlehood there.