You force the music section to imagine Jessica Simpson pegging Billy Corgan, and we reward you with a Payback Time T-shirt and two tickets to a Live Nation club show of your choice taking place in Vancouver within the next four weeks. Here’s this week’s winning whinge.
Dear Payback Time: Any music fan knows the routine: friends, coworkers, and/or parents accuse you of liking music just because it’s obscure and unpopular. These are difficult comments to argue against. After all, it is hard to explain to an unadventurous buffoon with little interest in music that there’s more to life than the drivel offered up by the average radio station. So it’s strange to find myself on the other side of the argument.
Adrian Mack: you only like Jandek because nobody else could possibly like Jandek. Next year, as the Wilco you so love filters its way into car commercials, or when M. Ward announces his stadium headlining tour, you’ll sit there smug in your East Van digs thinking, “It doesn’t matter. I still have my Jandek.” And you’ll put on your expensive headphones and force a grin onto your face as the painful noise slowly penetrates your skull.
I’ve heard about this Jandek character over the years. (I won’t stoop to calling him anything else, because it’s all beyond ridiculous.) I wanted to see what the deal was. I went with an open mind, but nothing prepared me for what I experienced. Nothing could. As the guy beside me fell asleep and the noise continued, I couldn’t stop laughing as the joke washed over me.
> Dave Tolnai
Adrian Mack replies: Dearest Dave—As jokes go, surely this one deserves a more robust response than a snarky letter to A. Mack, no? I mean, fuck—send your complaint to Corwood Industries if you hated it so much, demand a refund, start your own band, whatever, but go big and leave me out of it. Plus, you’re wrong. Lots of people like Jandek, and not just pretentious, lying dickheads like me; good people, passionate people, smart people who have made films and devoted millions of thoughtful words to the man. Nobody on Dave Tolnai’s level or anything, but if those people should tell you that Jandek’s merits lie somewhere beyond what you hear, please don’t go straining that big open mind of yours trying to grasp the concept, because evidently they’re just wrong. It’s all been one big, mirthless, three-decade-long joke, as revealed by Mensa member Dave Toenail in Vancouver’s Georgia Straight.
Between your friend’s $35 nap and your own petty little look-at-me bitch fit, thanks at least for finally giving us the punchline.
You can voice your impotent rage by snail mail or by sending an e-mail to firstname.lastname@example.org