Am I wrong?

One of the issues that created friction between myself and an ex was their refusal to say if they’d been seeing other people during a time when we were broken up. It was important to me because I wanted to know if they had just casually replaced me and moved on, and also because I knew they didn’t practice safe sex. I loved them so much that in spite of my unease I stayed with them anyway, but there was always this barrier of mistrust that prevented me from feeling truly comfortable or loved. Their response was always that it was none of my business, but I was open and truthful about my own dating (or lack of it , when that was the case) during times we were apart. It wasn’t that I didn’t think that they had the right to see other people when we weren’t together, it was more the fact that they were so secretive about it that bothered me so much. Like, if there’s nothing to hide then why would you be secretive? Am I wrong about how much this bothers me, or is it a normal feeling when it comes to an intimate relationship? We’re broken up again, and I think that their constant secretiveness definitely had an impact on me, and my willingness to commit.

22 Comments

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an opinion

Jul 13, 2020 at 12:58pm

My ex claimed I was cheating our entire relationship. After we broke up they continued to claim this. later on they has access to my email and could see the life I was living and somehow still insisted I was seeing people and that it must be a boss from a previous job. Even after they emailed to say they were banging people just to hurt me they still carried on the line.
5+ years on I still haven't dated, got a degree and will go to my grave knowing that this person spent the better part of a decade falsely accusing me.
good luck with whatever comes of yours. :)

12 3Rating: +9

What do you need my approval for?

Jul 13, 2020 at 1:31pm

Grow a backbone

6 7Rating: -1

Partners..

Jul 13, 2020 at 1:45pm

If you're in an intimate relationship with someone for the long haul, behaviour like theirs, in my humble opinion, is grounds for dismissal. Honest communication is paramount. You're not wrong to feel that way and they have a right to their secrets, but you're much better off.

13 8Rating: +5

Trust your instincts

Jul 13, 2020 at 2:03pm

and don’t overthink it. If the disparity in open and honest communication feels wrong, it probably is.

15 4Rating: +11

this sounds like a nightmare

Jul 13, 2020 at 3:00pm

Stay broken up. Ugh. Why are you torturing yourself.

13 3Rating: +10

Did They Ask if you had seen/had sex

Jul 13, 2020 at 3:44pm

with other people (or did you tell them w/o them asking) and if not, then maybe they felt like what happens when you're broken up is neither of yours' business.

8 6Rating: +2

The Kobayashi Maru Scenario

Jul 13, 2020 at 5:55pm

Questions like that are usually a no win scenario that only result in two ways.

You feel shame because they waited and you didn't which in turn leads to the thought process of the whole They loved me more, and they had more faith in us then I did so they deserve better and I'm not good enough for them".

Alternatively they could just not want to say who they were with because perhaps it was just one of those one time things where they were curious and experimenting with another guy for a bit. Maybe they're afraid that you'll feel differently about them, or they just don't want you pulling out the strap on just yet.

Thing is, if you love someone it doesn't really matter what you do when you're not together and you think it'll probably remain that way, unless they're bringing in an STD.

I met a woman when I was young that seemed to be kind and down to earth, and in the middle of us doing it, she asks me how many others I had been with. So I told her 3 not thinking a big deal of it. Well it became a big deal to her. She had been with 20 guys. "Whaaah I'm not good enough! You're too pure!"
That torpedoed that ship.

Just live one moment inside my head. You're not going to see anything all that pure. I don't care what level of purity you think you are positive or negative, just as long as you love me and have my back when you're with me.

5 5Rating: 0

Anonymous

Jul 13, 2020 at 9:50pm

Your ex wants to cheat and expects you to take it, period.

You're free from that loser. Be happy. You have escaped a fate worse than death.

7 5Rating: +2

Anonymous

Jul 14, 2020 at 5:44am

Mine did that to me but also wanted to stay "best friends". I couldn't take it when I found out because friends tell friend shit like that.

6 4Rating: +2

Love is love, if it’s real...

Jul 14, 2020 at 2:28pm

So if true love is involved all that matters is honest communication, loyalty over all others to your one true only and romance. That being said people make mistakes( they must stand up and face it) tell the truth without hesitation that’s over all loyalty and that will bring unbelievable romance and love making. Too many just are not courageous enough to own their mistakes and others just think their partner stupid. So boys treat girls like a fun park, girls do not trust boys and when a nice loving guy shows up he pays for those who hurt them prior to them falling in love with said girl/girls, so sad. We could do so much better as a species and let real love raine.

4 2Rating: +2

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